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Husband losing interest in sex after CB

Jessica says, "I have a 5 month old baby. Ever since the birth, my husband won't get close to me in any sexual way. I have tried everything, but he says he's not in the mood. I don't know what to do or what to think. Please help."

What BabyCenter readers say:
"Jasmine, I had a friend like that too who kept trying to say she had the ultimate trust and loyalty in her relationship because she encouraged her husband to look at porn, and she had this weird opinion that couples who aren't like that are destined for divorce. This is funny, because her husband never pays any attention to her, embarrasses her in front of her friends, and treats her like an object (a worthless object, at that). I get the feeling she is trying to defend her relationship by saying it is better than everyone elses. It is really a sad thing, but there is nothing you can say to a woman like that. They won't change. They'll insist their relationship is beautiful right to the end."-- Raechel "Just wanted to add to my last post. Lisa, you are right to feel affronted by some of the comments men are making. I mean, really!However,(I think) Rich may actually have been supporting women who don't want to perform tricks to get their men to want to have sex with them again after CB. It was just put a little ...umm rudely?! AW"--

"Hi Jessica, It sounds to me that your husband may be looking at you differently now. My husband looked at me differently after giving birth. I was no longer just a woman or his wife. I was now a mother. Like his mother. I have read articles on this. The man looks at you as a mother and that mothers don't do sexual things like that. It seemed kind of crazy to me when I read the articles, but it does happen. My husband did not go to extremes like that, but it sounds like this could be the case with your husband. I guess my best advice to you is to try to talk to him and be patient. He may need to get professional help to help his deal with his emotions and how he is feeling. I also know that becoming a new parent can be overwhelming. He could be afraid of you getting pregnant again. I wish you the best of luck."-- Brandy "Tiredness, stress, the changes in your life; it all takes time to adjust to. Talk, find time for yourselves and above all relax in each others company - it will happen in good time. My wife and I have 3 children and we have a wonderful sex life but we listen to each other a lot. Good Luck!"-- Chris "I'm in the same boat. Since I was 4 months pregnant, we haven't had sex and my baby is 4 months old. My husband says very politely, "No thanks, I am just going ot go to bed now." The rejection really hurts my feelings and I want ot cry. I have lost 50 lbs., got a new haircut, tried all of the things that others have suggested, and nothing works. Good luck to all of you. I hope you aren't as sad about this as I am.cc in CA"-- Anonymous "Bob, I suppose it is quite possible that you are a very nice guy who just comes across poorly and who needs a little bit of information about weight loss, what works and what doesn't. First of all, many of the women who are trying to become pencil thin like a model are not eating 1200 calories a day which is recommended for normal women, and women who are breast feeding need to add 500 calories above that. Many of these women are also exercising 2 hours a day. Yes, two hours. I did this, and I couldn't lose a pound, even while breast feeding. So I suppose you would've called me "one of those fat girls who doesn't take care of herself." My doctor actually was really upset with me for starving myself and overworking myself on top of it, yet by all appearances I was as you say "a slob". But guess what, Bob! Ever since I started eating 1500 calories a day and quit exercising and quit drinking coffee (which I had previously needed a lot of in order to exercise like I was. Oh, yea, and I drank it black, in case you want to blame sugar intake) Yes, Bob, I have lost weight! So please don't call overweight women sloppy and uncaring about their appearances. Most likely they are trying harder than a narrow-minded fool like you would ever realize, but are not getting anywhere with it due to hormones."-- Anonymous "I agree with Damien. That's how my husband is. Just like Damien. He makes sure the house is clean, so I don't have to, and rubs my feet when I say they hurt. Whenever I question something about my marriage, I talk to him about it and we work it out. Communication is the key! Offer the option of just letting him talk to see how he feels and then say what you have to say and come up with a solution. Good luck!"-- Amy "Well Jessica, It can only get better. We have a six week old baby and the thought of sex makes my wife and I tired. All we want to do after the kids are in bed is SLEEP! A lacking quality. After our first child, We didn't have sex for the first few months because we were just so tired. So get some sleep, and have some time out for both of you as a couple and regroup."-- Anonymous "hey jessica,dont panic.this hapens sumtimes,as you give much of your time now to your baby it may disturb your relationship with your husband.finish with all your work before he is home.and get dress in best of your dress and recieve him with a hug and kiss.if possible make something special for dinner.there is a saying the way to mans heart is through his stomach.....so try to put on the music he love.the first thing is involve him with the baby work.dont just take everything all to yourself.this will help him understand that taking care of baby is not easy.hope my advice work for you."-- sarah Inamdar "My husband started losing interest in sex during my pregnancy. (My baby is 2 weeks old now) he watched our daughter's birth, and he made some comments on how seeing that was disgusting, and he's afraid sex won't be the same. Talk to him about it, find out how he feels. Then try to work through it. Best of luck..."-- Anonymous

source- babycenter.com

Remember this when thinking about sex after a baby

Here are few things you should remember:
There is no right time to restart your sex life.
Intercourse is not necessary. Just lying together, cuddling together and spending time together can improve your relationship and make you comfortable with your body.
If sex in painful even after healing then you should consult your doctor.
The vagina is an elastic and supple tissue, which heals quickly.
A woman's body was created to bear children.
The human body has great recuperation powers.
If you still feel that you and your partner are having problems with your sexual relationship then you could get counseling.

Keeping the relationship alive after a baby

Here are a few things you can do to keep your relationship alive:
For some time each day continue to think of your partner as your lover and not the father or mother of your child.
Spend time with the baby together, play and cuddle the baby together. This will give you quality time together and as a family.
Once a week ask a friend or a family member to take care of the baby for a few hours so that both of you have time together alone. Sexual relationship maybe affected to a great extent once the baby is born. Since this important aspect of your relationship is affected this may take a toll on your relationship. As a new mother the demands of your baby, exhaustion, unhappiness with bodily changes after childbirth and the effect of breastfeeding on sex drive all affect sex drive after birth. Your partner may feel that you have only time for the baby and not for him. While you may feel that everyone is only making demands on you and you don't have any time to rest or to yourself. Making time to improve your sexual relationship will help you and your partner.

Speaking to your partner when going throught tought times after having a baby

Not only must your listen carefully but, also, you must be able to put across your problems, feelings and point of view in an affective manner. Here are a few suggestions on how to talk:
Pick the right time to speak.
While speaking make sure you are taking about how you feel and about your problems and accusing your partner.
If you disagree on something, then just agree to disagree, do not have the last word. This will make things worse; do not let your ego get in the way of the relationship. Once you become parents, it becomes very difficult for both partners, to find time to spend together as a couple. A newborn baby takes up all the time of both the mother and the father. Though it may seem that the baby is affecting your relationship, it is not so. A baby doesn't damage a good relationship and a baby doesn't improve a bad one. It is ultimately up to the partners to find time for each other no matter how difficult it is or how tired they are.

HAHA, We can ALL Relate!

Jane says, "My son is 9 months old now, and my sex drive still hasn't come back. My husband has tried to be understanding but he's getting impatient. It hurts my feelings when he pressures me. Will I ever feel like being intimate again?"Do you have advice for Jane? Share it here! (To add your two cents, scroll down to the comments box below.)

What BabyCenter readers say:
"I can empathize with you. My first daughter was 10 months old before my husband and I even TRIED. I had so much damage during the birth and was exhausted for the months to follow. This delivery was easier but still the similiar emotions (or lack there of) are in place. My daughter is now 6 months old and I have found it much easier to relax if we are out of the house. My mother in law has stayed with my kids and we gone to a hotel. Sometimes only for a few hours. It makes all the difference. I just can't seperate myself from my kids at home. This ensures that we will not be interrupted. And although all the romantic feelings aren't there for me yet, just being close and pleasing him is enough for me."-- Cristi "I have been fortunate enough to NOT have that problem, in fact, I have just the opposite happening. I think a lot has to with my husband and I, our daughter is four months old, and we are celebrating our 1 year anniversary on June the 2. Some of my friends however, have told me they did not want sex either, here's why. You might be afraid of getting pregnant again (the pain of delivery is not all that long ago), or your body might not be ready to start having sex again. Give yourself time, and tell your husbands to give you a foot massage or two it always helps me!!!!"-- Jennifer
"Hey, C-section with multiple infections here. My incision got infected. Then I bumped my stomach two different time causing blood and fluid to collect in the wound and in the tissue surrounding it. After getting cut open again to drain it, I was pretty paranoid about letting anything touch my abdomen. I had urethritis (from having a cathetre for the birth). It was four months after our baby's birth. I still had two open wounds that hurt when I touched anything to them. My husband was going nuts because we still couldn't have sex because it hurt so bad. I went to my doctor again and she said wait a week to try again. Well, I guzzled cranberry juice-supposed to help bladder infections-right?, added extra zinc to my diet- to aide in healing, and got some rest. The next time we gave me plenty of time to heat up, then took it slow. It was not the best, but we stuck to "long foreplay, short session" for a few weeks and life almost back to normal. I realized that I was so scared of the pain that I made it worse by being super-tense. When I relaxed, went with what we could do and a little bit more, and took control, I began to enjoy it more. As for breastfeeding, yeah I'm pretty sure it messes you up. I'm taking progestin only pills and I notice that when I skip a pill(not on purpose mind you) that I feel more desire. Lack of estrogen for me equals lack of desire. One thing that helps me now that I'm enjoying it more is to take control. If I take the initiative when I know the baby is sleeping for a while, spontaneously something clicks and I feel desire much faster. Try music. Take some time to prettify yourself-shave legs, scented bath/shower stuff, wear sexy clothes that day. Allow yourself to be a woman and not just a mom."-- Renee' "Wow - glad it's not just me! My son is 9mo. old; great little guy - fun and a relatively decent sleeper. The FRIENDship I have with my husband has never been stronger - our love life, however, really is out the window. Sometimes lack of passionate living bothers me, but mostly I'm too tired to care. To make matters worse, I work part time (early mornings) and my husband has a fulltime evening shift job: great schedule for baby, LOUSY for romance. We have found that scheduling time for "us" is very helpful; no pressure, but the potential for mischief is always there! On a more serious note, I've personally found that when I feel disconnected with my husband emotionally, there is zero chance that I'll be interested in anything else. Try not to get swept up in Baby World: the little person is definately important; but a strong relationship between the parents is an invaluable gift to a child. Good luck! I think we all need it!"-- ced+1 "I have a 10 month old, and found myself frustated - mentally and physically. In January I had been back on the pill for almost 3 months and decided to have my doctor change my dosage - it seemed too strong. It seemed to help physically but emotionally I wasn't there yet. About 2 weeks after changing my pill, my husband got called away on a 4 day course out of town. I took the oppurtunity to create a new special place of romance... redecorate our bedroom! I kept a budget of only 150$ and managed to repaint, put up a few new shelves, bought candles, and framed a bunch of black and white pictures of us and our favourite times together. My husband was super excited when he got home that I had managed to do all this myself... it restored confidence in myself, and created a special place for my husband and I again. I love going into my new bedroom again! ... to top it off, my husband surprised me a couple of weeks ago, and installed new carpet to finish our "new room"!"-- Sarah "My mom gave me a great piece of advice. My youngest child is almost 4 months and I have two older children. I haven't felt this way before so I asked "good ole mom" for advice. She told me that I need to quit focusing on how unattractive I feel (not to mention totally unsexy) and focus on how turned on I am with my husband. She asked me if I am attracted to him. I said yes and have been focusing on him lately. It seems to be working. You know since dating was not possible just focusing on him instead of me has really helped."-- Melissa "My daughter is 2 months old and I am having the same issues, only I lost my sex drive about 1 month into my pregnancy and it still hasn't returned. Both my husband and I are very frustrated. It has begun to cause problems in our marriage. I have tried to explain that my hormones are completely out of whack and that by the time the baby is in bed, I am just too exhausted. He says that he feels like I am not attracted to him anymore. I am sure it is also frustrating for him, I just wish he could be a little more understanding and patient. It helps to know that other women are having the same problem."-- Anonymous "I have one year old twins, and I am definitely in that boat.I talked to my doctor about it at my 6 month checkup, and he seemed to think it might be the stress of two babies, plus a dash of postpartum depression. Since I am not huge on taking prescriptions for something "I think I can fix," I refused any help. I am thinking now since it is still going on that I may need to try it. Our marriage is on very shaky ground because of it, when it should be the best time in our lives with the two blessings we have been given."-- Darlene "Jane, I lost my sex drive after my first two were born within 2 years of each other and I just had my 3rd...5 years later and I am just beginning to feel some stirrings of desire returning. It can be very hard on both you and your husband without a sex drive...we have had some tough times because of it. I can offer some advice however...go see your doctor...make him/her listen to you...they can do a hormone test to see if your testosterone is depleted and if it is they can prescribe cream which can really help. Also...if your husband is willing...have him give you a nice long all over body message some evening, not too late at night so you won't be tired. Burn some candles and put on some music and just enjoy it. You may be surprised at how sensual it is and it may jumpstart things. I think it is very important for husbands to be very patient with us Mom's and be interested in lots of foreplay but they have to accept that it may not lead to sex if you don't want it to. Hope this helps...and please know that you are not alone in this problem."-- Sally "I have a 9-month old and am in the same boat. I'm still breast feeding and have heard that can keep your libido limp. Reading the other comments, at least I know I'm not alone. I guess we just have to hang in there. But who can tell us when we'll feel our sexy selves again?"-- Anonymous

source-babycenter.com

Tips on being a good listener

To begin with the baby may interfere in the relationship between husband and wife. But over a period of time these differences can be resolved. It is important to talk and listen to each other. Here are a few tips how to be a good listener:
Pay complete attention to your partner, look at them and sit close to them.
Do not think about yourself think of the other person.
Listen to what your partner has to say and if necessary, say it to yourself again so that you remember it clearly.
Clarify things that you do not understand or want explained immediately. This will show that you are paying attention to what is being said.
Before placing your point of view wait for your partner to finish. Give yourself sometime and think over what your partner has said, before replying.
Give advice only when your partner asks for it.
Do not let your ego affect the relationship.

Self-Respect

Self-respect is the foundation of sexual health and of healthy sexual relationships. All people are sexual and it is normal and healthy for women to have sexual desires. It is also normal and healthy to not want to do some things even if the world around you suggests that 'everybody' is doing it. Respect your body's desires and your own ability to make good decisions.
Sexual choices have consequences. Some of the most difficult choices you ever make will be about sex. Your choices may shape your:
social relationships
relationship with your family
future lifestyle
experience of emotions like love and trust There is a lot riding on your decisions, so you have to make sure that you chose what you really want. If you're not sure about a relationship or if you don't want to do something sexually - wait. Human sexuality has many physical, emotional and mental elements. Ideally all three are leading you to the same decisions, but in the real world, things may not be that neat. Give yourself time to work through conflicting desires; this is an important part of self-respect. Don't let other people make your decisions, if they respect you, they'll wait too.
Because it can be difficult to make decisions in the 'heat of the moment,' think about what you want in advance.

Take this Quiz!

There can be signs that a relationship is not healthy. Use this quiz to help determine if you are experiencing the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship. If you are having these experiences or feelings, your relationship may need to end or you and your partner may need supportive counselling to work through your relationship problems.
Relationships should make you feel good! No one can be happy all the time, but you should look forward to the time you spend with your partner and enjoy his or her company.

source- womenshealthmatters.com

Sex partners should always:

Sex partners should always:
have one another's consent
be able to talk honestly to each other
treat each other with respect
care about their partner's pleasure
protect each other against physical and emotional harm, unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted infection
accept responsibility for their actions
All relationships have their ups and downs, but even in difficult times you and your partner should be able to trust each other to behave in this way. Being able to deal with the tough times and treat each other equally and with respect even when you are angry is an important sign of a healthy relationship.

Gynecologists hear it every day from patients who are in the throes of midlife. "Doctor, I'm just not interested in sex anymore."

Sure, some decline in sex drive is a natural part of aging for men and women. But for women it tends to happen sooner - just about the time they hit menopause - and well before they're ready to let go of sexual intimacy with their partners.

Many walk into their doctors' offices hoping that a dose of their waning hormones - testosterone, in particular - is all they need to find their lost libido. Testosterone has long been known to restore desire, and Intrinsa, the testosterone patch, is widely used in Europe for that very purpose. But experts say that testosterone is a powerful, potentially dangerous treatment when given inappropriately, and that sexual dysfunction in women is more often about life and love than hormones.

"It's the high-stress lives that we all live," said Dr. June LaValleur, a gynecologist and women's health specialist at the University of Minnesota. "And how satisfying is your sexual relationship? If you have a lousy lover, you can have a ton of testosterone and it won't be enough."
Three years ago, the Food and Drug Administration, still reeling from the revelations about the risks of hormone replacement therapy in post-menopausal women, declined to approve Intrinsa because of concerns about its long-term safety. Studies to assess its risks are now under way, but in the meantime testosterone is not approved to treat female sexual dysfunction in this country.

But women still ask for it. And because the hormone is used for other medical purposes, doctors can and do legally prescribe it for sexual dysfunction, an off-label use.
"It's become kind of a snake oil thing," said Dr. Diane Petersen, a gynecologist with Women's Health Consultants in Minneapolis. She and other women's health specialists said they sometimes see female patients who come in with all the signs of too much testosterone - hair loss, acne, weight gain, high cholesterol or deepened voices.
Some women are getting dangerously high doses from testosterone pellets placed under their skin.

Because it is not a regulated pharmaceutical product, it is most often provided by compounding-pharmacies that make up individual doses in cream and gel form that women apply to their arms and legs, doctors said.
But women need very low concentrations, and if not made by experts those creams can easily contain too much, they said.

"It's only as good as the person compounding it," said Dr. Jacqueline Thielen, a doctor at the Women's Health Clinic at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn. "More is not necessarily better."
Thielen and other women's health experts do prescribe it for some patients. But not often, and it's not the first thing they try.

Doctors said they usually give testosterone only to women who have abnormally low levels, and always in combination with estrogen. That means women who have had their uterus and ovaries removed get it most often because their bodies produce no testosterone.
Women who have reached menopause still produce testosterone for many years, though at lower levels than in their reproductive years.

The Intrinsa patch was tested in women whose ovaries had been removed. Those studies found that women who used the patch regularly for a year said their average number of satisfying sexual experiences increased from three to five per month. But those on a placebo had also had an average increase - from three to four.

If it had been approved, the patch could have been prescribed off-label to any woman, which is what raised safety concerns at the FDA. Procter & Gamble, which makes Intrinsa, is now conducting safety trials, and is also looking at its effectiveness at increasing libido in post-menopausal women.
But for now, most healthy post-menopausal women are not candidates for testosterone treatment, doctors said. "I would have to say that the majority of the time I can get by without giving patients testosterone," Thielen said.

Even though testosterone is the hormone that contributes to sex drive, in women it often has no relationship to libido, doctors said. Usually it's something else altogether.
LaValleur had one patient who complained that she was disinterested in sex. But when asked about her relationship, she described how she would get nauseated when she came home and saw her husband's pickup truck in the driveway.

Another woman who was going to law school at night and taking care of two kids said her husband just couldn't understand why she wasn't interested in sex when he came home from his regular business trips.

What are healthy relationships made of?

Healthy relationships are built on honest communication and mutual respect. This is true of all relationships, not just romantic or sexual ones. To be healthy, all people need to feel that there are people in their life, who they can trust to listen to them and care about them.
The Brief Psychotherapy Centre for Women at Sunnybrook and Women's has created a list of questions to help you decide whether a relationship provides a healthy connection to another person.
Having sex with some else is a very personal and intimate thing, even when the relationship is casual or short-lived. Responsible people respect their partners feelings and desires; they want to protect them from infection and unwanted pregnancy.

source-womenshealthmatters.com

Is it normal or is it depression?

The hormonal changes after pregnancy may affect some women's sexual desire. This is temporary. Talk to your doctor if it feels like it has gone on for too long. This can be one sign of post-partum depression.
Some women may also be self-conscious about their bodies after giving birth. It is important for your partner to be loving and supportive about body image issues.

Sex after giving birth- how?

Sex may be uncomfortable, especially in the first weeks after giving birth. You may have pain around an episiotomy or Caesarean incision. While scars are forming in these areas, try to use positions that don't put pressure on the new tissue.
Vaginal dryness is also common especially if you are breast-feeding. The same hormones that prompt your body to produce milk also reduce your ability to lubricate. A water-based lubricant may help. Go slow and give your body more time to lubricate. The hormones stimulated by orgasm also cause your breast milk to flow, so don't be surprised if you need a towel.
If you don't want to get pregnant again, birth control is important. Cervical barriers may have to be re-sized before you can use them again. Talk to your doctor or caregiver about what forms of birth control are best for you. Hormonal methods that do not contain estrogen like Depo Provera (injections) and Micronon (pills) are safe for use once breast feeding has been well established. Breast-feeding alone may help to prevent pregnancy in the first six months as long as your period has not started again and this is the only way your baby is eating. However breast-feeding as a mode of birth control is not completely reliable. To be more certain of avoiding pregnancy, you may wish to begin using birth control again shortly after giving birth.

Sex after giving birth- when?

The months after giving birth are a challenging and tiring time. The demands of your new life may be a more important limit on your sex life then any physical changes. Some couples feel that sex is an important way to make time for each other; others would rather take the time to talk and cuddle. Women may feel 'touched out' because they spend so much of their time touching and holding their baby. Both parents may feel overwhelmed by their new responsibilities. Take the time to talk about your feelings and consider trying to find time for sex during the day when you are less exhausted and sleepy.
Physically it is safe to have sex after the lochia stops. Lochia is the vaginal bleeding that occurs after delivery. This bleeding stops when the cervix has returned to its natural size. Having sex before the lochia stops could put you at risk of a serious infection.

Each woman is different

Each woman enjoys different things sexually. Some women like having their clitoris rubbed; others find it is too sensitive to be touched directly. You can explore your sexual responses with a partner but you can also learn about your responses by masturbating.
Some women don't enjoy masturbating or don't believe they should do it because of their religious beliefs. Other women use masturbation to explore how they like being touched. This is particularly useful for women who are not reaching orgasm with their partner. Learning how your body responds can help you relax and enjoy sex. It also gives you information to teach your partner about what you like.

Can you answer this?

What are your sexual interests and limits?
You are entitled to sexual pleasure but you need to decide what is pleasurable and appealing to you. If you respect yourself, you will not 'put up' with activities that hurt or embarrass you. Think about your fantasies. If you are already sexually active, remember what activities you have enjoyed in the past. What you enjoy may change over time. Be ready to talk to your partner about what you enjoy and what you don't. Finding sexual activities that are enjoyable for both partners is an important part of a healthy sexual relationship.

Your meaning of sex

Our culture gives women and men very mixed messages about sex. We are often taught that we must be in love to have sex. We may also be taught that having sex is an important part of being an adult, or that sex proves we are desirable. Sex can be about all of these things, or it may not involve any of them. What do you think the purpose of sex should be?
Does a sexual relationship also involve other social and emotional commitments?
Can it be casual, just a way to learn about yourself or release physical tension?
What do you need to know or feel about your partner before you have sex?
There is no 'right' way to answer these questions, but it is important to be honest with your partner about what having sex means to you. Honest communication is one of the essential parts of a healthy sexual relationship. It is often very painful when two people have not thought about and discussed what they expect sex to mean. What you want out of a sexual relationship may change at different stages of your life.

Choose what you really want

Self-respect is the foundation of sexual health and of healthy sexual relationships. All people are sexual and it is normal and healthy for women to have sexual desires. It is also normal and healthy to not want to do some things even if the world around you suggests that 'everybody' is doing it. Respect your body's desires and your own ability to make good decisions.
Sexual choices have consequences. Some of the most difficult choices you ever make will be about sex. Your choices may shape your:
social relationships
relationship with your family
future lifestyle
experience of emotions like love and trust

There is a lot riding on your decisions, so you have to make sure that you chose what you really want. If you're not sure about a relationship or if you don't want to do something sexually - wait. Human sexuality has many physical, emotional and mental elements. Ideally all three are leading you to the same decisions, but in the real world, things may not be that neat. Give yourself time to work through conflicting desires; this is an important part of self-respect. Don't let other people make your decisions, if they respect you, they'll wait too.
Because it can be difficult to make decisions in the 'heat of the moment,' think about what you want in advance.

Interesting sexual info

Everyone has a sexual orientation. A woman who is attracted only to other women is called a lesbian: while women who are attracted to men are called heterosexual. A woman who is attracted to men and women is called bisexual.
Some women who are attracted to other women don't like these words or feel that they don't describe their experiences. Women may be attracted to different people at different stages of their lives. So a woman may live for many years as a lesbian and then become involved with a man, or a heterosexual woman may discover lesbian desires.
You may be sexually attracted to men, women or both. None of these attractions is right or wrong, although most Canadian women have been taught at least some negative things about being attracted to someone of the same sex. These negative attitudes are called homophobia. If you are attracted to women you will have to deal with your own homophobic feelings and beliefs. You will also have to deal with the negative beliefs and judgements of others including your family and friends. Many organizations provide information and support for lesbian and bisexual women confronting homophobia.
Women who are attracted to other women have a broad range of sexual and emotional relationships just as heterosexual (straight) women do. Some women live with a single partner for many years; others live independently relying on a social network of friends and lovers. Some lesbians choose to become mothers. Being a lesbian does not mean that you can't have the emotional or social relationships you want, although these relationships may sometimes be limited by homophobia. Same-sex marriage was formally legalized across Canada by the Civil Marriage Act in July 2005. Court decisions, starting in 2003, had already legalized the issue of marriage licences to same-sex couples in eight out of 10 provinces and one of three territories, whose residents comprised about 90 percent of Canada's population. Most legal benefits commonly associated with marriage had been extended to cohabiting same-sex couples in Canada since 1999.
Living in a homophobic society may also have a negative effect on the physical and emotional health of lesbian and bisexual women. Lesbians and bisexual women may:
have higher levels of stress and depression
be at risk for alcoholism
not receive regular gynecological and medical care because they fear homophobic responses from health care providers If a woman only has sex with other women, she does not need birth control, but she is still at risk of some sexually transmitted diseases. The following infections may result from sex between women:
herpes
genital warts
crabs
trichomonas
bacterial vaginosis
yeast infections
very rarely, HIV may also be transmitted from one woman to another Different sexual activities have different risks for infection.

Sex and Menopause

As a woman ages, her sexual desires change and her interest in being sexually active may decrease or increase. Changes may be prompted by her past sexual experiences or by the availability of a sexual partner.
Menopause occurs when a woman's body stops releasing eggs and her menstrual cycles cease. The hormonal changes associated with menopause may affect a woman's physical responses and interest in sex (libido.) Hormonal fluctuations in the time before menopause (called peri-menopause) may also affect a woman's libido and sexual experience.
Sexual Changes Associated with MenopauseSome of the sexual changes commonly associated with menopause are:
slower sexual arousal
less lubrication produced during sex
the vaginal wall gets thinner and intercourse may be uncomfortable
intensity of orgasm may be reduced
skin sensitivity is often increased Although many women have a reduced interest in sex, others have an increase in sexual desire.
What needs to be done about these changes depends on how you feel about them and how readily you can incorporate them into your current sexual life. Even women who find that their sexual interest is greatly reduced may accept these changes, particularly if they have lost their sexual partner to illness or death. If the changes are less dramatic, a woman may welcome a slower, more sensual, sexual experience that emphasizes non-sexual touching and allows more time for lubrication. Since men also become aroused more slowly as they age, heterosexual couples may adapt their sexual lives in a way that 'works' for both partners. If both lesbian partners are experiencing menopause, the changes in their desires may also fit well together.
For some women and their partners, these changes are a problem. Women may be frustrated that their orgasms don't feel right. Partners may conclude that a woman is less interested, because she lubricates less. It is important to talk to your partner(s) about the changes that are happening to your body and what both of you are feeling about these changes.

The impact of violence

Violence and sexual assault can have a deep impact on a woman's life including her sexual responses and relationships. Sexual assault is any unwanted sexual contact or attention. It can also include name-calling or anything that makes you feel bad about your sexual self or physical appearance.
If the assault has just occurred or if you are with a violent partner, here is how to get help.
Even if the abuse happened a long time ago, it can still influence your relationships with others, although your current partner may be loving and supportive. If a woman has been assaulted or abused she may:
not want to be touched
feel like she will never enjoy sex again
not be able to relax during sex
have disturbing memories of the assault(s) that may be triggered in some sexual situations
feel emotionally detached from her sexual activities
feel shame or self-conscious about her body These feelings can be very painful for a woman and for her partner(s). It is not unusual for a woman having these feelings to also feel angry with herself or her partner. If you have these feelings, you should not try to deal with them alone. Therapy can help a survivor of abuse deal with her feelings and may ultimately help her find a healthy way of participating in sexual relationships.
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