What Causes the Loss of Sex Drive?

The first thing to understand is what causes the loss of sex drive in woman. While it is necessary to speak to a doctor to make the final determination here are possible causes of reduced libido:
· Hormonal imbalance. There are many types of things that can be imbalanced here including progesterone. Progesterone is responsible for your libido but can fall quite low during pre-menopause.
· Fatigue. Of course you can see that there is a real connection here. One of the most common reasons for fatigue is the fact that there is another hormonal imbalance or there is poor nutrition coming into the body.
· Adrenal exhaustion can also be a factor that causes the hormones to go the wrong direction. It can be caused by medical menopause occurrences.
· Stress, depression, and even child birth are also contributing factors to the lack of sex drive that women have. These situations may not be as easy to fix, but they are common signs of something being wrong.

Licorice

Historical or traditional use: Licorice has a long and highly varied record of uses. It was and remains one of the most important herbs in traditional Chinese medicine. Among the most consistent and important uses were as a demulcent (soothing, coating agent) in the digestive and urinary tracts, to help with coughs, to soothe sore throats, and as a flavoring. It has also been used to treat conditions ranging from diabetes to tuberculosis to Hot flashes.
Active constituents: The two most important constituents of licorice are glycyrrhizin and the flavonoids. Glycyrrhizin is anti-inflammatory and inhibits the breakdown of the cortisol produced by the body.1 2 It also has antiviral properties. Licorice flavonoids, as well as the closely related chalcones, help digestive tract cells heal. They are also potent antioxidants and work to protect the cells of the liver.

Licorice and Women's Homones

Ask the Expert about Degestion (click)
Licorice root contains a saponin-like glycoside, glycyrrhizin (glycrrhizic acid) and has historically been used for a variety of female disorders and also as an expectorant and antitussive in treatment of respiratory tract infections and asthma. It is believed to reduce estrogen while increasing progesterone and is used for this reason by Dr. Michael Murray in his clinical practice. Licorice has a steroid component that can change to the estrogen precursors estradiol and estrone, and it can therefore provide mild estrogenic properties. Glycyrrhizin has a regulatory action over estrogen metabolism, i.e. when estrogen levels are too high it inhibits estrogen action, and when estrogen is too low, glycyrrhizin potentiates it. This is a useful factor for many female hormonal problems, including PMS.
Licorice is considered a powerful drug that is useful in treating a number of conditions, such as peptic ulcers, malaria, abdominal pain, insomnia and infection. This herb’s uses have been substantiated by modern research, and it is generally considered very safe in moderate doses. German health authorities consider maximum doses of up to 100 mg of glycyrrhizin (the major active component of licorice) a day acceptable and safe. However, it should not be taken for more than 4-6 weeks without medical advice.
Are there any side effects or interactions? Licorice products without the glycyrrhizin removed may increase blood pressure and cause water retention. Some people are more sensitive to this effect than others. Long-term intake of products containing more than 1 gram of glycyrrhizin (which is the amount in approximately 10 grams of root) daily is the usual amount required to cause these effects. As a result of these possible side effects, long-term intake of high levels of glycyrrhizin are discouraged and should only be undertaken if prescribed by a qualified health care professional.
Deglycyrrhizinated licorice extracts do not cause these side effects because there is no glycyrrhizin in them.
Special United Kingdom Considerations: Licorice is either not available or may require a prescription. Please check with your nutritionally oriented physician.

Burdock- also helps cleanse the liver

Historical or traditional use: In traditional herbal texts, burdock root is described as a “blood purifier” or “alterative.” Burdock root was believed to clear the bloodstream of toxins. It was used both internally and externally for eczema and psoriasis as well as to treat painful joints and as a diuretic. In traditional Chinese medicine, burdock root in combination with other herbs is used to treat sore throats, tonsillitis, colds, and even measles. It is eaten as a vegetable in Japan and elsewhere.
Burdock root has recently become popular as part of a tea to treat cancer. To date, only minimal research has substantiated this application.
Active constituents: Burdock root contains high amounts of inulin and mucilage. This may explain its soothing effects on the gastrointestinal tract. Bitter constituents in the root may also explain the traditional use of burdock to improve digestion. It also contains polyacetylenes that have been shown to have antimicrobial activity. Burdock root and fruit also have the ability to mildly lower blood sugar (hypoglycemic effect). Even though test-tube and animal studies have indicated some antitumor activity for burdock root, these results have not been duplicated in human studies.

Milk Thistle

Using herbs like milk thistle detoxicate the liver and thus helps it process sex hormones better.

Milk Thistle
Botanical name: Silybum marianum.

May help: Hepatitis, cirrhosis, mushroom poisoning, liver inflammation, and liver damage caused by alcohol abuse, long-term use of medications, and chemical exposure; endometriosis; and Parkinson’s disease.

Special instructions: For maximum absorption, take with food.
Origin: Native to the Mediterranean.

Cautions and possible side effects: Generally regarded as safe; may cause loose stools.

Good Health Depends on Proper Liver Function
A healthy liver cleanses the body by:
Filtering the blood: Each minute nearly 2 quarts of blood pass through the liver for detoxification. When functioning properly, it clears 99% of the impurities before blood re-enters circulation
Secreting bile: Every day a healthy liver produces a quart of bile, which carries toxins to the intestine for elimination.
Neutralizing toxins: Through a complexity of enzymatic processes, a healthy liver neutralizes toxins directly or converts them into fat or water-soluble forms to be eliminated from the body.
A Healthy Liver Enables the body to:
Produce energy when needed
Store key vitamins, minerals & sugars
Manufacture new proteins
Control cholesterol production & excretion
Facilitate proper digestion
Maintain hormone balance

source-bodyandfitness.com

Vitamins as stimulants

Vitamins James F. Balch, M.D., co-author of Prescription for Nutritional Healing, says that "vitamin deficiency can cause a deficiency in estrogen levels and result in improper lubrication." He recommends damiana, kelp, vitamin B-complex, vitamin E, fish liver oil, lecithin, vitamin C with bioflavonoids, and zinc to help with symptoms. Supplementation with boron, a trace mineral, is also suggested, especially for post-menopausal women. However, keep dosages low: too much boron increases risk of osteoporosis. Essential fatty acids (EFAs) are also important, and come from flaxseeds and borage, evening primrose and black currant oils.

Foods and spices as stimulants

Coffee, cola and chocolate, all stimulants, have folkloric reputations as libido-enhancers. From the spice rack come anise, fennel, sage and parsley, also reputed to boost sex drive. (But don't substitute fennel oil for this, say experts, it's toxic in relatively small quantities.) There are a number of traditionally-known aphrodisiacs, masquerading as gourmet treats, from various world cultures-including oysters, asparagus, etc.-but it's unclear whether they really work.

Conventional Hormone Supplements

Testosterone or DHEA are two possible libido-enhancers. Both should be undertaken with physician supervision. And, estrogen replacement therapy, or ERT, controversial in some circles, may make sexual activity more comfortable and pleasurable, but it has no effect on sexual desire-whereas testosterone does. (Surprisingly, testosterone, famous as a "male" hormone, is present in women as well, to diminishing degrees over time, and it affects sexual arousal and responsiveness.)

Forces of attraction

To come up with the list, Meston and Buss asked 444 men and women, age 17 to 52, to list reasons why they, or people they've known, have had sex. They then had 1,500 undergraduate students at UT-Austin rank the reasons on a one-to-five scale of how often they applied to their experiences.

Twenty of the top 25 reasons given were the same for men and women, and the No. 1 for both was "I was attracted to the person."
"I was surprised there wasn't a great gender difference," said Meston. "Women were more likely to say they wanted to express their love for the person, but they were very quick to also cite physical reasons and out-of-control hormones most people associate with men."

Meston, who is continuing to collect data for follow-up studies, acknowledged that college students' out-of-control hormones tilt the results. Future studies will focus on other age groups, ethnic groups and religious people. Metson said she also wants to find out about the outcome of sex for which people gave particular reasons.

Despite youthful answers like "the person was too hot to resist," Meston said she was struck that the college students gave some reasons that might offer lessons for people of all ages, such as that sex helped them get to sleep.

"For older couples in which the sex drive is mismatched, it might be instructive to learn that not everybody is having sex for pleasure," she said. "Nothing's wrong with you — you just might need to find your own reason for having sex."

Damiana and other herbs

The herb damiana has its fans and detractors alike. It has a certain folkloric reputation as a sex-enhancer, but it's unclear from research whether its reputation is deserved. However, herbalist Michael A. Weiner, Ph.D., author of Herbs that Heal, says that it's the safest of herbs reputed to have aphrodisiac qualities—so you can probably try it relatively risk-free.
Chasteberry, also known as vitex agnus castus (from which the homeopathic dilution is made), apparently boosts the body's progesterone production and normalizes reproductive hormones, specifically the estrogen/progesterone ratio (also implicated in PMS).
If serotonin-reuptake inhibitors, or SSRIs, such as Prozac or Zoloft, are at the root of your diminished sex drive, and it isn't possible for your doctor to change your prescription or dosage levels, Adriane Fugh-Berman, M.D., suggests taking 40 mg. of ginkgo in standardized extracts three times a day to help counter-act the libido-lowering effects. Saw palmetto, traditionally thought of to assist men with prostate problems, may also serve to increase circulation to the genital area.
Other herbal possibilities include muira puama, sarsaparilla, fo-ti, gotu kola, guarana, and honey. Where mild depression is an issue, st. John's wort, kava kava or valerian. Yohimbe and Horny Goal weed shows some promise; but proceed with caution—some experts endorse it only reluctantly because of various health and safety concerns.

Dong Quai

Since decreased libido can be (but isn't always) a side effect of changing hormonal balance, such as at menopause, herbs that work to restore hormonal balance in women may be a good choice. Andrew Weil, M.D., recommends dong quai (the Chinese herb, also known as Chinese angelica), other Chinese tonic herb formulas, and Siberian ginseng. And Michael Murray, N.D., says the four most successful herbs for increasing estrogen activity are dong quai, licorice root, chasteberry and black cohosh.
black cohosh, according to Dr. Reichman, "can successfully treat several menopausal symptoms, including hot flashes, sleep disturbances and vaginal dryness. When these are improved, sexual…ability and satisfaction may improve as well." Herbs with estrogen-like properties include the Chinese dong quai, a Chinese species of angelica that is one of the more commonly recommended tonics (overall body stimulators and regulators) for flagging libido in women.
Andrew Weil, M.D. and James A. Duke, Ph.D., among others, praise it. Dong quai is an all-purpose sexual and reproductive tonic for women, says Duke. Fennel, fenugreek, anise, and parsley also have estrogen-like qualities. Creams made from wild yam, touted as natural sources of progesterone, seem to improve vaginal dryness significantly in menopausal women.

Study: After a Shot of Caffeine, Female Rats Sought More Sex

Caffeine may put females in the mood for sex, a new study shows.
In the study, female rats that got their first shot of caffeine before mating were quicker than uncaffeinated females to scurry back to a male rat after sex.
The caffeinated females weren't just looking for company. "It looks as if they wanted to have sex again," researcher Fay Guarraci, PhD, tells WebMD.
Might caffeine also rev up women's sex lives? Maybe, but it's too early to say, says Guarraci, an assistant professor of psychology at Southwestern University in Georgetown, Texas.

The study, titled "Coffee, Tea, and Me," is due to appear in an upcoming issue of Pharmacology, Biochemistry, and Behavior.
Consume Caffeine, Crave Sex?

Guarraci isn't advising women to use caffeine as an aphrodisiac -- at least, not yet.
"My caution in terms of directly applying the caffeine or the coffee before sex to enhance your sexual drive or motivation would be that in this experiment, we gave only one dose of caffeine to animals who had never had caffeine before," Guarraci says.
"Most of the time, women drink coffee on a daily basis or ingest caffeine in cola beverages," she observes.

It would be interesting to see if regular caffeine use had the same effect on female rats, Guarraci says. If she knew that to be true, she would "be more confident in saying that it would be something useful for women to consider," she says.
Still, she notes the current study's results "might be something to think about for women who don't ingest a lot of caffeine, who usually have a low level of caffeine in their diet."

Female Rats Returned for More Sex
The caffeinated female rats weren't exactly shy.
"The way we measure their interest is they go back and revisit the male after they've just had some sexual interaction with them," Guarraci explains.
That's a normal behavior for female rats. In this study, speed and motivation mattered.

The caffeinated females "would go and visit faster, and they would stay with the males until they received sexual stimulation before they left," Guarraci says.
"It wasn't just that they wanted to be around them. It seemed to be particularly relevant to the sexual interaction, the stimulation they would receive," Guarraci says.
Caffeine didn't affect how quickly the female rats left their partners after sex, the study shows.
A Large Latte's Dose of Caffeine

The researchers tested several caffeine doses on the rats. The doses were based on the rats' weight. Interestingly, the female rats that received the middle dose of caffeine had quicker return visits to the males than the highest dose tested.
Using the same formula for humans, the lowest dose would roughly equal the caffeine in "a grande latte at Starbucks ... a pretty high-caffeinated beverage, but not something outrageous," Guarraci says.

The higher doses were like having several large lattes at once, she says. Were the rats totally wired by the caffeine? "No," Guarraci says.
Her study shows that the caffeinated females didn't just skitter around their cages aimlessly. Instead, they specifically sought a male sex partner and weren't particularly interested in socializing with another female rat.

The caffeinated females seemed motivated to seek sex, not to burn extra energy from the caffeine, the researchers write.
Do You Mate Like a Rat?
Rats and humans are obviously different. But rats' elaborate courtship behavior may sound familiar to some people.
"The female seems to control the mating encounter," Guarraci says of rats.
"So when a male and a female rat are ready to mate, the female does all the gatekeeping for the male. She decides when it's time for him to mate, in the wild as well as in the lab," Guarraci says.

"The female, when she's interested, she'll go visit a male. But then when she's not interested in him anymore or wants to take a break, she runs away. To me, it seems a little bit like the playing hard-to-get with the male rats," she continues.
Ultimately, Guarraci and colleagues want to identify the chemistry and brain structures involved in sexual motivation for mammals, which include people, as well as rats.
"There are a lot of women out there with sexual dysfunction, and if they understood how that happens or how we can augment that, that would be a helpful thing," Guarraci says.

The liver and Sex Hormones

As with most health problems, eating a healthy diet, exercising moderately, cutting out saturated fats, quitting smoking, and avoiding the use of alcohol and prescription drugs (with the approval of your healthcare practitioner) can work to enhance your overall health. These sensible lifestyle choices from a good springboard for dealing with low libido as well. In addition, there is a rich history of the use of herbs to enhance sexual response.
Because the liver processes sex hormones, herbalists recommend cleansing and detoxifying with liver-friendly herbs, such as dandelion, milk thistle, burdock,and licorice root, to optimize liver function.

Early Hysterectomy: Getting Back Your Sex Drive

Make sure that you are not holding back feelings about no longer being able to become pregnant and bear children. So many women are socialized (even in these days) to consider themselves not-quite-a-woman if they can't produce kids. Of course, that's nonsense, as being a woman is defined in many other ways. So be sure that you are not shutting down your sexual essence due to imagined inadequacies.

If that is the case, it's time for a little professional help to allay your concerns, correct your thinking and help you heal the wounds.
As for rejuvenating that sexual drive, you have several options.

If you had your ovaries removed along with your uterus in the hysterectomy, then your body is no longer manufacturing the hormones that contribute to sexual drive and functioning. Consult with your gynecologist first about hormone replacement therapy, which may include estrogen, progesterone and testosterone.

Yes, women make their own supply of the male hormone, which is the key for sexual desire and functioning. "The Hormone of Desire," by Dr. Susan Rako, is an excellent book that spells out the story of female testosterone supplementation. You may want to recommend it to your gynecologist, if s/he is not up on that treatment mode.

Second, there is an effective homeopathic alternative. Called Vigorex Femme and made of aveena sativa (the extract of green oats), this product stimulates testosterone production in your own body. It can be ordered at (800) 541-2968. There are also several herbs and natural remedies (generally available at health- food stores) that can help the post-surgical healing process and the restoration of organ functions. Some of these include dong quai, white Korean ginseng, and kava kava.

Finally, give yourself a chance to recharge. Start with simple pleasures with your partner. Explore the sensual side of shared touch, and talk, talk, talk with him about your feelings as your relocate your sexuality. Best of luck.

What Is Low Sex Drive?

A low sex drive in women refers to a lack of interest in sexual relations. It is not unusual to experience a temporary decline in sexual desire at some point, and many women do. But if it persists, it may present problems.

The underlying reason for a decrease in sexual interest and activity, however, is not always obvious. Low sex drive can result from physical conditions (such as illness or pregnancy), psychological issues (such as stress or anxiety), or other factors. When a woman feels that her formerly normal sex drive has "stalled" or seems gone altogether, a medical or emotional problem may be at the root.

The signs of a low sex drive include:
Less frequent sexual thoughts and fantasies
Reduced sexual desire
Reluctance to initiate sex
Less frequent masturbation
Lack of desire for sex when you've gone without sex for days, weeks, or months (depending on what was previously normal for you)
In both men and women, sex drive is also referred to as libido

Lack of sex drive in women

Lack of sex drive (lack of libido) is common in women, but quite rare in men. The American Medical Association has estimated that several million US women suffer from what doctors there call 'female sexual arousal disorder' (FSAD).However, there seems to be an FSAD bandwagon, driven by doctors who think that nearly half the female population (43 per cent) lack sex drive. Such a high number really doesn’t seem likely.In the UK, family planning clinics and Relate clinics see quite large numbers of women who complain of low libido. Our estimate is that at any one time, several hundred thousand women in Britain are troubled by lack of sex drive.Many of these women have no problems with having orgasms. Rather, they have no real desire to have sex and their minds are not turned on by the prospect of love-making.Fortunately, for many women lack of libido is only temporary. Some will get over it by themselves, and a lot more can be helped by expert medical or psychosexual advice

What's to Blame?
Judith Reichman, M.D., author of I'm Not in the Mood: What Every Woman Should Know about Improving Her Libido, lists seven possible libido killers in her book. Psychological issues, relationship difficulties, and medical and hormonal problems are major contributors, and it's realistic to expect sexual desire to wax and wane depending on physical and emotional health, mood, relationship dynamics and personal need. One of the most common complaints is too much stress.
Women and their health practitioners can check many areas while looking for a cause: is low libido a function of aging, too much exercise or too little, hormonal imbalances including low thyroid, depression, stress etc? Many common prescription medications, including antidepressants, blood pressure drugs, and even birth control pills can affect sexual drive as well. Check with your doctor about replacing problem drugs with substitutes, or changing dosages until the problem diminishes.

Low libido- an epidemic

When 50ish supermodel Christina Ferrare went on Oprah last year and made public her personal struggles with low sexual libido, neither she nor her talk show host could have been prepared for the tremendous response her disclosure provoked. Experts now estimate that approximately 40 million women suffer from low libido. Diminished desire, difficulty in arousal, and inability to achieve orgasm are hallmarks of the condition. Left untreated, it can destroy marriages and lives. An estimated 43-56% of all women experience this problem over their lifetimes. Once thought to occur mostly in women who had gone through menopause, it now seems to happen primarily to women in their 20s, 30s and 40s.

source- bodyandfitness.com

Breastfeeding and Sex Drive

Question: Will breastfeeding interfere with my sex drive?Answer: It might — but rest assured, this lack of interest in sex won't last forever. Several factors may be responsible for squelching a new mother's sexuality: The most obvious is the sheer exhaustion that plagues almost all women during the postpartum period, exhaustion that can be even more extreme when you — and only you — have the equipment to satisfy your newborn's 3 a.m. hunger pangs. What's more, nursing your baby every couple of hours (as well as constantly rocking, changing, and carrying him) may leave you feeling "touched out" at the end of the day, and thus less receptive to your mate's caresses.

Finally, breastfeeding can suppress ovulation for months following birth — nature's way of preventing a new pregnancy from following too quickly on the heels of the last one. Unfortunately, this also means that the amount of estrogen circulating in your body is far below normal levels, causing vaginal dryness and a general dampening of desire.Of course, every woman is different, and many nursing mothers report that breastfeeding doesn't affect their libido one way or another. Some even feel more sexual than their bottle-feeding peers, finding breastfeeding an extremely pleasant, and even sensual, experience that can translate into amorous feelings for their partner. Nourishing a baby can also give women a renewed appreciation for their body, an attitude that may rub off in the bedroom.If you're not among these lucky few, though, remind yourself — and your mate — that it's normal for a nursing mother's sex drive to take a detour into the slow lane. Just be sure to keep the lines of communication open and find other ways to be intimate (take a bath together, trade massages, or pop the baby into a front carrier and stroll hand in hand after dinner). Most important, put it all in perspective: Many new parents decide that this temporary downturn in desire is a trade-off they're more than willing to make for the health benefits and intense bonding that breastfeeding offers. source-babycenter.com

Caffeine for Sex Drive

Caffeine motivates female rats to have more frequent sex, a new study suggests. But don't start guzzling more coffee just yet.
Scientists gave 108 female rats a moderate dose of caffeine. The caffeine shortened the amount of time it took the females to return to males after a first romp, indicating they were more motivated to do it again.
Loading up on more caffeine is not expected to improve human sex drive in most cases, however.
"These rats had never had caffeine before," said study leader Fay Guarraci, an assistant professor of psychology at Southwestern University. "In humans, it might enhance the sexual experience only among people who are not habitual users."
The research could help scientists better understand sexual motivation, however.
"Understanding the circuits that control this behavior will help us understand how the brain works and what part of the brain mediates motivation because sexual behavior is a motivative behavior," Guarraci said.
The research will be detailed in the journal Pharmacology, Biochemistry and Behavior.

My husband doesn't want alone time with me!

Victoria says, "My husband doesn't want to spend time alone with me without our 3-month-old. He thinks my desire to go out as a twosome means I don't care about our baby's well-being. Of course I do — all I'm asking for is a couple of hours of one-on-one time with him every once in a while. What can I do?"

What BabyCenter readers say:
""Victoria, I just had a baby and he is not even a month old yet, sure he is our first born, but I do understand your situation. It is really hard to get your husband to be alone with you for the time being , espacially that your baby is only 3 months old. I guess he is just worried to trust the baby to anyone else and spend sometime to be alone with you. There are guys who has that fears, like my husband. But when the baby grows and reach the point that they are already eating solid foods and all that, then your husband will realize that he was not fair, but at this moment you have to be patient. Perhaps you can always give him a hint, like saying something while he is there as if you did not notice him....A lil' bit of humor will help....I hope it can help. God bless!!!"-- Pauline "first off I am the proud father of a 4 month old baby girl and I feel like your husband,there are a lot of sick people out there and I dont feel comfortable with leaving my daughter with any one. I knew there would be a lot of changes when she came. Just give a little time and he will start to ease up and want to do a lot of things with you"-- kevin

That is not like a man to act that way at all however it is nice that he wants to start the family bond now. Maybe try to do something at home to start, put the baby to bed and have a romantic candle light dinner and movie for the two of you to start and build from there. Good luck!"-- Mother to be "Victoria, You two do need time to your selfs once in a while, my doctor even told me that. Find a in the area babysitter and get out for awhile, just because you have the baby it doesnt mean you two cant have time together anymore and it doesnt mean you dont care about the baby, me and my husband have a 8 month old baby and we have to get ot and go out on a date once in awhile we deserve it and so do you."-- Lori "You are definitely not wrong in wanting time alone for the two of you to bond. In fact, in order to keep a successful relationship, experts have advised couples to go on dates alone once a week. I agree with Tara that he may have seperation anxiety. My other thought on the issue was that he may feel like he doesn't get to spend much time with his baby. I am a stay at home mom and my husband works 50 hours a week. I found that he desired to spend more time alone with me when I left the baby with just him for an evening. He understood how demanding the baby was and why I wanted to be alone with him. Maybe you could arrange to meet friends for a girls night out and let him have the baby to himself. It may let him see things in a new light."-- Susanna
source- babycenter.com

Hmmm... I don't even know what to say!

Terri says, "My husband and I haven't had sex in almost nine months. During my pregnancy he stopped wanting to because he felt like there was a third person involved with the baby moving and kicking in my womb. The baby is now 2 months old and there's no change. He won't touch my breasts, and says they don't arouse him anymore because he sees them as belonging to the baby. I think he sees me as one big baby provider and doesn't want to be intimate with someone so motherly. Everyone says I look great, but I feel bad. What can I do?"

What BabyCenter readers say:
"If you have time and energy at this point with an infant set up some romantic situations for you both while baby naps. If you don't have the time or energy which is perfectly understandable don'y worry about it for now. Dad's need time to adjust also.Is he helpful with the baby?"-- Tara "My boyfriend and I had a wonderful sex life until I was about 6 months pregnant. Since then, our sex life has been terrible. I'm always in the mood and he never is. I finally had a talk with him and he told me that his sex drive was just really low. Then one day, I caught him looking at porn, and it really hurt me. I felt like the most unattractive woman in the whole world. How could he not have enough of a sex drive to have sex with me, but he could masterbate to porn? He never looks at me naked anymore and we never do anything intimate together. I try to talk to him all the time, but its always the same excuse, "I just don't have a sex drive right now, and I'm really stressed." It is most definetly the worst feeling in the world. My main concern since having my baby has been to lose weight so that my boyfriend will be attracted to me again."-- Natasha
"Terri, I have the same problem too. My husband stopped having sex with me at the time I found out I was pregnant because he was afraid having sex would hurt the pregnancy (despite my OBGYN said it was OK to has sex while pregnant). 6 months after the baby was born, he is still not interested to have sex. He said he is "tramatized" from having to go through the whole labor and delivery process with me. He is now very scare to have sex because he is afraid it may hurt me (despite my OBGYN said I was completely recovered after the first 6 weeks). Now he pays more attention to the baby than to me. I feel like I am just his "housemate" who happen to raise a baby with him together. I am thinking to seek help from a family therapist, may be you should too. Anyone have better suggestion? "-- Ada "My partner went through very much the same things as your partners. He seemed completely disinterested in me while pregnant and as my belly expanded and definitely afterwards. Although we did start having sex quite soon after, he just is not as affectionate or physical or into foreplay as he used to be. One thing that helped him was to buy me sexy lingerie that I would wear--you know, the visual thing. But I need affection and warmth and words. The sex often feels like a task that must be accomplished and sometimes I am able to just go with it but most of the time my brain is talking at me about how cold it feels. I don't like that we as women feel the need to jump through hoops to help our men figure out how to connect with us. It makes me angry sometimes to hear that I need to do more when I am doing a lot as it is, including caring most of the time for our 6 and a half month old. I understand that men need help in bonding and connecting with us and our children after their birth. I also understand that women usually initiate conversations about this, not men. I know this will sound arrogant and mean but men seem to have such fragile egos that they act like children who need emotional nourishing--yet when we try, they turn away (I'm sure it's not all men!). So now I let him initiate... I go about my business, I talk with him about his day and mine, I don't care if he initiates sex or not because I can take it or leave it the way it's been offered to me. Letting go of what I can't have has given me some freedom to focus on the things I enjoy and that fulfill me. It also means I have to live without something that used to bring us both joy and happiness (and in one instance, a baby!)."-- Michelle "Terri, when i was pregnant my husband also felt odd about sex with me. after the baby, he acted and said that i was 'fragile' from delivery(understandable for the first six weeks). then when i started feeling and acting a little like my old self, though we never completely return to our old selves, he became more comfortable. so maybe when baby is sleeping brush up on a few current events or topics that he is interested in. don't stress about doing too much though, its just that; and don't take this the wrong way, but if your constanly talking about baby this and baby that. it can wear on the intimate factor. take a little time for yourself and remember men are simple creatures and love to love us."-- anonymous "Terri, I have the same exact problem. I honestly have no idea what to do either. Just letting you know you are not alone."-- Anonymous "Wow, that's a really hard place to be in. I can't offer too much advice, without knowing more details, but I hope this helps... First of all, when we become moms, it's hard to see ourselves as much else; what with the almost constant feeding, burping, changing diapers.. not to mention exhaustion. The baby pretty much takes over your life! The thing is, you have to be careful not to let your world revolve around the baby. It has to fit into your life, not rule it. Of course, that's not necessarily going to change how your husband feels about you... some guys are just weirded out by the whole baby thing. He might be jealous of all the attention showered on you, and of the fact that there's someone else in your life whom you are now devoted to. What I think is you need to do (like I said, I don't know all the details of what you have done or not, so I'm going by what I have) is take some special time to remind him that you love him more than anyone else and he's not being replaced by this new wonderful person in your life. Some guys get really insecure about this! I would suggest taking some time to really talk to him and find out what he really is thinking. Is he really not attracted to you, or is it maybe something I mentioned? Is something else going on, that's distracting him... stress at work, etc.? Who knows what guys are thinking... they really do think differently than we do, and the only way to find out is to sit down, and have an honest open talk with him. One way I heard this referred to (by a guy of course) is like we have these different jerseys we wear. We have a mom jersey, a wife jersey, whatever our job is (if it's in addition to our 24/7 mom job) etc. It's really hard for us to switch jerseys. Every part of our lives are integrated with one another. Whereas guys can compartmentalize every part of their life, so that nothing seems connected. Maybe, he's seeing you in your mom jersey too much, and you just need to take that off and put your wife jersey back on. Maybe he just wants "you" back. Obviously nothing can be as spontaneous as it was before the baby... but he might just need a little reminder that you are still the same woman he married. Whether it's his fave piece of lingerie, a certain perfume he loves, or whatever... remind him that you're still you. Plan a special night with him (even if it's just at home... try to make a romantic setting though), get some sparkling cider, strawberries and chocolate, and some massage oil. Have fun, entice him, (take care of the baby but don't let it take over your night!!), seduce him! It's so easy for us to be all stressed out with everything we have to do, and our hubby's all too often get pushed to the backburner (I do it all too often, myself). Remind him how special he is to you, and though you give give give all day long to the baby... show him you're willing to give to him too. The results could be dramatic, and instantaneous! But most importantly, you MUST talk to him! Ask questions (be very specific... guys do not understand implied questions) and tell him how you feel. From there, you can figure out if it's just the whole "jersey" thing, or if maybe you should both seek some counseling. Sometimes other issues arise that we just can't deal with on our own (all kinds of emotions rise to the surface when having a child...) and it could just be there's some unresolved issues in his life too, and that it really doesn't have anything to do with you at all! (to be honest, it usually is an issue with the guy anyway... at least when it comes to this area...) I hope it all goes well for you... :) If you have any more questions or just want someone to talk to, I've got AIM, my screen name is randomkittyfly. :)"-- T "You are so not alone- I have the same problem, and my baby is now 10 months. My husband just won't see me as a sexy woman anymore, and it is very hurtful especially since I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight and I was lucky enough not to end up with stretch marks. Everybody says I look good, but I guess to my husband I am just plain mommy now. "-- Sylvia "Throughout my entire pregnancy and for the first few months afterwards, my husband would not have sex with me, even though during my pregnancy I was in the mood more than ever. When we finally talked, he stated that he thought it would hurt me and that he didn't want to do that. I don't know if it was an excuse, but now that I am pregnant again, I told him it wouldn't work this time :)"-- Anonymous "Terri, you're definitely not alone. My husband stopped being intimate with me as soon as I started showing (because he didn't want to hurt the baby even after the dr. said it was ok). And now our daughter is 6 months old...he still has no interest in me (no excuse now, he just looks at me like I've got 2 heads). Ada put it very well the I feel like a 'housemate' rather than a wife! I'm sorry I have no advice for you on this; because I am still trying to figure it out as well....but know you're not alone. Stay positive and never give up hope!"-- Patty

source- babycenter.com

Trouble accepting your postbaby body?

Shoshanna says, "I had my daughter four months ago, and I'm having a hard time dealing with my stretch marks and extra weight. My husband thinks I look fine, but I don't feel fine with stretch marks running from above my belly button to my knees. I've been exercising and watching what I eat, but I can't diet because I'm breastfeeding. What can I do to feel comfortable in my skin?"

Featured comments"I know how you feel! My advice is to try to maintain perspective (which isn't easy). It took nine months to gain the weight ... it's going to take time to lose it. I got serious about getting my body back when my son was 4 or 5 months. I didn't diet but I did eat healthy and I ate often enough to maintain my metabolism. Remember, breastfeeding burns a lot of calories! I used to weigh myself and look at my stretched-out stomach after getting out of the shower everyday — it was depressing. I decided to focus on how good I felt after working out instead of my weight. I hope this helps without sounding too simplistic. Trust me, I love my son, but I don't like what he did to my body! I'm far from my pre-pregnancy shape, but I feel like I'm slowly reclaiming my figure without losing my sanity (and self-esteem) in the process."— Rae"The only thing I can say is be patient! I was there. I had to buy bigger clothes so I wasn't wearing my maternity clothes after the birth. I did buy shirts cut lower than usual since I had more cleavage — I played that up and downplayed the midsection. Ten months later, those clothes are too big and I can fit into most of my pre-pregnancy clothes. I still have a belly and stretch marks but I do feel better than I did months ago."— Nicole"I too have an imperfect body and my (second) son is 10 months old. My stomach is squishy and strongly resembles Freddy Krueger's face due to horrible stretch marks. My advice is to forget about getting into your pre-pregnancy clothes. Find clothes that flatter your figure, but are versatile if you lose weight. Try some dressy-casual pants that have a loose elastic waist and shirts (not Lycra-type shirts, they're not my friends) with a small flare at the bottom. This disguises your belly and positively accentuates your hips, which have probably expanded. It gives a curvy look, but hides the squishy belly. I've even received several flattering remarks from men. If they only knew what lurked beneath the shirt! Just remember, if you're wearing clothes that you feel confined in, you're going to be self-conscious and probably irritable due to discomfort. Find a way to dress that makes you feel good about yourself, and enjoy your baby. Very few people have nannies to watch their babies while a personal trainer commands them until they've worked their buttocks into boulders and their abs into washboards. Many people appreciate and understand the softness of a mother's body."— Amanda"Have you ever seen primitive Goddess dolls with large hips, huge breasts, and big bottoms? In prehistoric times, women were supposed to look like this and were revered for their beauty. Celtic people thought that a woman who had a baby was a sought-after mate because she had proved her fertility. She was extra sexy because she had already had a baby, and was likely to bear others. And remember, the sexiest women in the world are happy, fun, and have a sense of humor. If you can try for these things, they'll make you far more attractive than any exercise program."— Jayne

source- babycenter.com

"My sex drive hasn't come back"

Jane says, "My son is 9 months old now, and my sex drive still hasn't come back. My husband has tried to be understanding but he's getting impatient. It hurts my feelings when he pressures me. Will I ever feel like being intimate again?"Do you have advice for Jane? Share it here! (To add your two cents, scroll down to the comments box below.) What BabyCenter readers say:
"My daughter is 2 months old and I am having the same issues, only I lost my sex drive about 1 month into my pregnancy and it still hasn't returned. Both my husband and I are very frustrated. It has begun to cause problems in our marriage. I have tried to explain that my hormones are completely out of whack and that by the time the baby is in bed, I am just too exhausted. He says that he feels like I am not attracted to him anymore. I am sure it is also frustrating for him, I just wish he could be a little more understanding and patient. It helps to know that other women are having the same problem."-- Anonymous "I have a 9-month old and am in the same boat. I'm still breast feeding and have heard that can keep your libido limp. Reading the other comments, at least I know I'm not alone. I guess we just have to hang in there. But who can tell us when we'll feel our sexy selves again?"-- Anonymous
"I have been fortunate enough to NOT have that problem, in fact, I have just the opposite happening. I think a lot has to with my husband and I, our daughter is four months old, and we are celebrating our 1 year anniversary on June the 2. Some of my friends however, have told me they did not want sex either, here's why. You might be afraid of getting pregnant again (the pain of delivery is not all that long ago), or your body might not be ready to start having sex again. Give yourself time, and tell your husbands to give you a foot massage or two it always helps me!!!!"-- Jennifer "I can empathize with you. My first daughter was 10 months old before my husband and I even TRIED. I had so much damage during the birth and was exhausted for the months to follow. This delivery was easier but still the similiar emotions (or lack there of) are in place. My daughter is now 6 months old and I have found it much easier to relax if we are out of the house. My mother in law has stayed with my kids and we gone to a hotel. Sometimes only for a few hours. It makes all the difference. I just can't seperate myself from my kids at home. This ensures that we will not be interrupted. And although all the romantic feelings aren't there for me yet, just being close and pleasing him is enough for me."-- Cristi "My mom gave me a great piece of advice. My youngest child is almost 4 months and I have two older children. I haven't felt this way before so I asked "good ole mom" for advice. She told me that I need to quit focusing on how unattractive I feel (not to mention totally unsexy) and focus on how turned on I am with my husband. She asked me if I am attracted to him. I said yes and have been focusing on him lately. It seems to be working. You know since dating was not possible just focusing on him instead of me has really helped."-- Melissa "Jane, I lost my sex drive after my first two were born within 2 years of each other and I just had my 3rd...5 years later and I am just beginning to feel some stirrings of desire returning. It can be very hard on both you and your husband without a sex drive...we have had some tough times because of it. I can offer some advice however...go see your doctor...make him/her listen to you...they can do a hormone test to see if your testosterone is depleted and if it is they can prescribe cream which can really help. Also...if your husband is willing...have him give you a nice long all over body message some evening, not too late at night so you won't be tired. Burn some candles and put on some music and just enjoy it. You may be surprised at how sensual it is and it may jumpstart things. I think it is very important for husbands to be very patient with us Mom's and be interested in lots of foreplay but they have to accept that it may not lead to sex if you don't want it to. Hope this helps...and please know that you are not alone in this problem."-- Sally "I have one year old twins, and I am definitely in that boat.I talked to my doctor about it at my 6 month checkup, and he seemed to think it might be the stress of two babies, plus a dash of postpartum depression. Since I am not huge on taking prescriptions for something "I think I can fix," I refused any help. I am thinking now since it is still going on that I may need to try it. Our marriage is on very shaky ground because of it, when it should be the best time in our lives with the two blessings we have been given."-- Darlene "Wow - glad it's not just me! My son is 9mo. old; great little guy - fun and a relatively decent sleeper. The FRIENDship I have with my husband has never been stronger - our love life, however, really is out the window. Sometimes lack of passionate living bothers me, but mostly I'm too tired to care. To make matters worse, I work part time (early mornings) and my husband has a fulltime evening shift job: great schedule for baby, LOUSY for romance. We have found that scheduling time for "us" is very helpful; no pressure, but the potential for mischief is always there! On a more serious note, I've personally found that when I feel disconnected with my husband emotionally, there is zero chance that I'll be interested in anything else. Try not to get swept up in Baby World: the little person is definately important; but a strong relationship between the parents is an invaluable gift to a child. Good luck! I think we all need it!"-- ced+1 "Hey, C-section with multiple infections here. My incision got infected. Then I bumped my stomach two different time causing blood and fluid to collect in the wound and in the tissue surrounding it. After getting cut open again to drain it, I was pretty paranoid about letting anything touch my abdomen. I had urethritis (from having a cathetre for the birth). It was four months after our baby's birth. I still had two open wounds that hurt when I touched anything to them. My husband was going nuts because we still couldn't have sex because it hurt so bad. I went to my doctor again and she said wait a week to try again. Well, I guzzled cranberry juice-supposed to help bladder infections-right?, added extra zinc to my diet- to aide in healing, and got some rest. The next time we gave me plenty of time to heat up, then took it slow. It was not the best, but we stuck to "long foreplay, short session" for a few weeks and life almost back to normal. I realized that I was so scared of the pain that I made it worse by being super-tense. When I relaxed, went with what we could do and a little bit more, and took control, I began to enjoy it more. As for breastfeeding, yeah I'm pretty sure it messes you up. I'm taking progestin only pills and I notice that when I skip a pill(not on purpose mind you) that I feel more desire. Lack of estrogen for me equals lack of desire. One thing that helps me now that I'm enjoying it more is to take control. If I take the initiative when I know the baby is sleeping for a while, spontaneously something clicks and I feel desire much faster. Try music. Take some time to prettify yourself-shave legs, scented bath/shower stuff, wear sexy clothes that day. Allow yourself to be a woman and not just a mom."-- Renee' "I have a 10 month old, and found myself frustated - mentally and physically. In January I had been back on the pill for almost 3 months and decided to have my doctor change my dosage - it seemed too strong. It seemed to help physically but emotionally I wasn't there yet. About 2 weeks after changing my pill, my husband got called away on a 4 day course out of town. I took the oppurtunity to create a new special place of romance... redecorate our bedroom! I kept a budget of only 150$ and managed to repaint, put up a few new shelves, bought candles, and framed a bunch of black and white pictures of us and our favourite times together. My husband was super excited when he got home that I had managed to do all this myself... it restored confidence in myself, and created a special place for my husband and I again. I love going into my new bedroom again! ... to top it off, my husband surprised me a couple of weeks ago, and installed new carpet to finish our "new room"!"-- Sarah • See all readers' comments
source- babycenter.com

Lack of desire and energy, difficulty becoming aroused and an inability to reach orgasm are common problems among women. In fact according to a leading researcher, some 43% of women suffer from some form of sexual dysfunction. Sadly many women believe this is a problem that cannot be helped.

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Husband losing interest in sex after CB

Jessica says, "I have a 5 month old baby. Ever since the birth, my husband won't get close to me in any sexual way. I have tried everything, but he says he's not in the mood. I don't know what to do or what to think. Please help."

What BabyCenter readers say:
"Jasmine, I had a friend like that too who kept trying to say she had the ultimate trust and loyalty in her relationship because she encouraged her husband to look at porn, and she had this weird opinion that couples who aren't like that are destined for divorce. This is funny, because her husband never pays any attention to her, embarrasses her in front of her friends, and treats her like an object (a worthless object, at that). I get the feeling she is trying to defend her relationship by saying it is better than everyone elses. It is really a sad thing, but there is nothing you can say to a woman like that. They won't change. They'll insist their relationship is beautiful right to the end."-- Raechel "Just wanted to add to my last post. Lisa, you are right to feel affronted by some of the comments men are making. I mean, really!However,(I think) Rich may actually have been supporting women who don't want to perform tricks to get their men to want to have sex with them again after CB. It was just put a little ...umm rudely?! AW"--

"Hi Jessica, It sounds to me that your husband may be looking at you differently now. My husband looked at me differently after giving birth. I was no longer just a woman or his wife. I was now a mother. Like his mother. I have read articles on this. The man looks at you as a mother and that mothers don't do sexual things like that. It seemed kind of crazy to me when I read the articles, but it does happen. My husband did not go to extremes like that, but it sounds like this could be the case with your husband. I guess my best advice to you is to try to talk to him and be patient. He may need to get professional help to help his deal with his emotions and how he is feeling. I also know that becoming a new parent can be overwhelming. He could be afraid of you getting pregnant again. I wish you the best of luck."-- Brandy "Tiredness, stress, the changes in your life; it all takes time to adjust to. Talk, find time for yourselves and above all relax in each others company - it will happen in good time. My wife and I have 3 children and we have a wonderful sex life but we listen to each other a lot. Good Luck!"-- Chris "I'm in the same boat. Since I was 4 months pregnant, we haven't had sex and my baby is 4 months old. My husband says very politely, "No thanks, I am just going ot go to bed now." The rejection really hurts my feelings and I want ot cry. I have lost 50 lbs., got a new haircut, tried all of the things that others have suggested, and nothing works. Good luck to all of you. I hope you aren't as sad about this as I am.cc in CA"-- Anonymous "Bob, I suppose it is quite possible that you are a very nice guy who just comes across poorly and who needs a little bit of information about weight loss, what works and what doesn't. First of all, many of the women who are trying to become pencil thin like a model are not eating 1200 calories a day which is recommended for normal women, and women who are breast feeding need to add 500 calories above that. Many of these women are also exercising 2 hours a day. Yes, two hours. I did this, and I couldn't lose a pound, even while breast feeding. So I suppose you would've called me "one of those fat girls who doesn't take care of herself." My doctor actually was really upset with me for starving myself and overworking myself on top of it, yet by all appearances I was as you say "a slob". But guess what, Bob! Ever since I started eating 1500 calories a day and quit exercising and quit drinking coffee (which I had previously needed a lot of in order to exercise like I was. Oh, yea, and I drank it black, in case you want to blame sugar intake) Yes, Bob, I have lost weight! So please don't call overweight women sloppy and uncaring about their appearances. Most likely they are trying harder than a narrow-minded fool like you would ever realize, but are not getting anywhere with it due to hormones."-- Anonymous "I agree with Damien. That's how my husband is. Just like Damien. He makes sure the house is clean, so I don't have to, and rubs my feet when I say they hurt. Whenever I question something about my marriage, I talk to him about it and we work it out. Communication is the key! Offer the option of just letting him talk to see how he feels and then say what you have to say and come up with a solution. Good luck!"-- Amy "Well Jessica, It can only get better. We have a six week old baby and the thought of sex makes my wife and I tired. All we want to do after the kids are in bed is SLEEP! A lacking quality. After our first child, We didn't have sex for the first few months because we were just so tired. So get some sleep, and have some time out for both of you as a couple and regroup."-- Anonymous "hey jessica,dont panic.this hapens sumtimes,as you give much of your time now to your baby it may disturb your relationship with your husband.finish with all your work before he is home.and get dress in best of your dress and recieve him with a hug and kiss.if possible make something special for dinner.there is a saying the way to mans heart is through his stomach.....so try to put on the music he love.the first thing is involve him with the baby work.dont just take everything all to yourself.this will help him understand that taking care of baby is not easy.hope my advice work for you."-- sarah Inamdar "My husband started losing interest in sex during my pregnancy. (My baby is 2 weeks old now) he watched our daughter's birth, and he made some comments on how seeing that was disgusting, and he's afraid sex won't be the same. Talk to him about it, find out how he feels. Then try to work through it. Best of luck..."-- Anonymous

source- babycenter.com

Remember this when thinking about sex after a baby

Here are few things you should remember:
There is no right time to restart your sex life.
Intercourse is not necessary. Just lying together, cuddling together and spending time together can improve your relationship and make you comfortable with your body.
If sex in painful even after healing then you should consult your doctor.
The vagina is an elastic and supple tissue, which heals quickly.
A woman's body was created to bear children.
The human body has great recuperation powers.
If you still feel that you and your partner are having problems with your sexual relationship then you could get counseling.

Keeping the relationship alive after a baby

Here are a few things you can do to keep your relationship alive:
For some time each day continue to think of your partner as your lover and not the father or mother of your child.
Spend time with the baby together, play and cuddle the baby together. This will give you quality time together and as a family.
Once a week ask a friend or a family member to take care of the baby for a few hours so that both of you have time together alone. Sexual relationship maybe affected to a great extent once the baby is born. Since this important aspect of your relationship is affected this may take a toll on your relationship. As a new mother the demands of your baby, exhaustion, unhappiness with bodily changes after childbirth and the effect of breastfeeding on sex drive all affect sex drive after birth. Your partner may feel that you have only time for the baby and not for him. While you may feel that everyone is only making demands on you and you don't have any time to rest or to yourself. Making time to improve your sexual relationship will help you and your partner.

Speaking to your partner when going throught tought times after having a baby

Not only must your listen carefully but, also, you must be able to put across your problems, feelings and point of view in an affective manner. Here are a few suggestions on how to talk:
Pick the right time to speak.
While speaking make sure you are taking about how you feel and about your problems and accusing your partner.
If you disagree on something, then just agree to disagree, do not have the last word. This will make things worse; do not let your ego get in the way of the relationship. Once you become parents, it becomes very difficult for both partners, to find time to spend together as a couple. A newborn baby takes up all the time of both the mother and the father. Though it may seem that the baby is affecting your relationship, it is not so. A baby doesn't damage a good relationship and a baby doesn't improve a bad one. It is ultimately up to the partners to find time for each other no matter how difficult it is or how tired they are.

HAHA, We can ALL Relate!

Jane says, "My son is 9 months old now, and my sex drive still hasn't come back. My husband has tried to be understanding but he's getting impatient. It hurts my feelings when he pressures me. Will I ever feel like being intimate again?"Do you have advice for Jane? Share it here! (To add your two cents, scroll down to the comments box below.)

What BabyCenter readers say:
"I can empathize with you. My first daughter was 10 months old before my husband and I even TRIED. I had so much damage during the birth and was exhausted for the months to follow. This delivery was easier but still the similiar emotions (or lack there of) are in place. My daughter is now 6 months old and I have found it much easier to relax if we are out of the house. My mother in law has stayed with my kids and we gone to a hotel. Sometimes only for a few hours. It makes all the difference. I just can't seperate myself from my kids at home. This ensures that we will not be interrupted. And although all the romantic feelings aren't there for me yet, just being close and pleasing him is enough for me."-- Cristi "I have been fortunate enough to NOT have that problem, in fact, I have just the opposite happening. I think a lot has to with my husband and I, our daughter is four months old, and we are celebrating our 1 year anniversary on June the 2. Some of my friends however, have told me they did not want sex either, here's why. You might be afraid of getting pregnant again (the pain of delivery is not all that long ago), or your body might not be ready to start having sex again. Give yourself time, and tell your husbands to give you a foot massage or two it always helps me!!!!"-- Jennifer
"Hey, C-section with multiple infections here. My incision got infected. Then I bumped my stomach two different time causing blood and fluid to collect in the wound and in the tissue surrounding it. After getting cut open again to drain it, I was pretty paranoid about letting anything touch my abdomen. I had urethritis (from having a cathetre for the birth). It was four months after our baby's birth. I still had two open wounds that hurt when I touched anything to them. My husband was going nuts because we still couldn't have sex because it hurt so bad. I went to my doctor again and she said wait a week to try again. Well, I guzzled cranberry juice-supposed to help bladder infections-right?, added extra zinc to my diet- to aide in healing, and got some rest. The next time we gave me plenty of time to heat up, then took it slow. It was not the best, but we stuck to "long foreplay, short session" for a few weeks and life almost back to normal. I realized that I was so scared of the pain that I made it worse by being super-tense. When I relaxed, went with what we could do and a little bit more, and took control, I began to enjoy it more. As for breastfeeding, yeah I'm pretty sure it messes you up. I'm taking progestin only pills and I notice that when I skip a pill(not on purpose mind you) that I feel more desire. Lack of estrogen for me equals lack of desire. One thing that helps me now that I'm enjoying it more is to take control. If I take the initiative when I know the baby is sleeping for a while, spontaneously something clicks and I feel desire much faster. Try music. Take some time to prettify yourself-shave legs, scented bath/shower stuff, wear sexy clothes that day. Allow yourself to be a woman and not just a mom."-- Renee' "Wow - glad it's not just me! My son is 9mo. old; great little guy - fun and a relatively decent sleeper. The FRIENDship I have with my husband has never been stronger - our love life, however, really is out the window. Sometimes lack of passionate living bothers me, but mostly I'm too tired to care. To make matters worse, I work part time (early mornings) and my husband has a fulltime evening shift job: great schedule for baby, LOUSY for romance. We have found that scheduling time for "us" is very helpful; no pressure, but the potential for mischief is always there! On a more serious note, I've personally found that when I feel disconnected with my husband emotionally, there is zero chance that I'll be interested in anything else. Try not to get swept up in Baby World: the little person is definately important; but a strong relationship between the parents is an invaluable gift to a child. Good luck! I think we all need it!"-- ced+1 "I have a 10 month old, and found myself frustated - mentally and physically. In January I had been back on the pill for almost 3 months and decided to have my doctor change my dosage - it seemed too strong. It seemed to help physically but emotionally I wasn't there yet. About 2 weeks after changing my pill, my husband got called away on a 4 day course out of town. I took the oppurtunity to create a new special place of romance... redecorate our bedroom! I kept a budget of only 150$ and managed to repaint, put up a few new shelves, bought candles, and framed a bunch of black and white pictures of us and our favourite times together. My husband was super excited when he got home that I had managed to do all this myself... it restored confidence in myself, and created a special place for my husband and I again. I love going into my new bedroom again! ... to top it off, my husband surprised me a couple of weeks ago, and installed new carpet to finish our "new room"!"-- Sarah "My mom gave me a great piece of advice. My youngest child is almost 4 months and I have two older children. I haven't felt this way before so I asked "good ole mom" for advice. She told me that I need to quit focusing on how unattractive I feel (not to mention totally unsexy) and focus on how turned on I am with my husband. She asked me if I am attracted to him. I said yes and have been focusing on him lately. It seems to be working. You know since dating was not possible just focusing on him instead of me has really helped."-- Melissa "My daughter is 2 months old and I am having the same issues, only I lost my sex drive about 1 month into my pregnancy and it still hasn't returned. Both my husband and I are very frustrated. It has begun to cause problems in our marriage. I have tried to explain that my hormones are completely out of whack and that by the time the baby is in bed, I am just too exhausted. He says that he feels like I am not attracted to him anymore. I am sure it is also frustrating for him, I just wish he could be a little more understanding and patient. It helps to know that other women are having the same problem."-- Anonymous "I have one year old twins, and I am definitely in that boat.I talked to my doctor about it at my 6 month checkup, and he seemed to think it might be the stress of two babies, plus a dash of postpartum depression. Since I am not huge on taking prescriptions for something "I think I can fix," I refused any help. I am thinking now since it is still going on that I may need to try it. Our marriage is on very shaky ground because of it, when it should be the best time in our lives with the two blessings we have been given."-- Darlene "Jane, I lost my sex drive after my first two were born within 2 years of each other and I just had my 3rd...5 years later and I am just beginning to feel some stirrings of desire returning. It can be very hard on both you and your husband without a sex drive...we have had some tough times because of it. I can offer some advice however...go see your doctor...make him/her listen to you...they can do a hormone test to see if your testosterone is depleted and if it is they can prescribe cream which can really help. Also...if your husband is willing...have him give you a nice long all over body message some evening, not too late at night so you won't be tired. Burn some candles and put on some music and just enjoy it. You may be surprised at how sensual it is and it may jumpstart things. I think it is very important for husbands to be very patient with us Mom's and be interested in lots of foreplay but they have to accept that it may not lead to sex if you don't want it to. Hope this helps...and please know that you are not alone in this problem."-- Sally "I have a 9-month old and am in the same boat. I'm still breast feeding and have heard that can keep your libido limp. Reading the other comments, at least I know I'm not alone. I guess we just have to hang in there. But who can tell us when we'll feel our sexy selves again?"-- Anonymous

source-babycenter.com

Tips on being a good listener

To begin with the baby may interfere in the relationship between husband and wife. But over a period of time these differences can be resolved. It is important to talk and listen to each other. Here are a few tips how to be a good listener:
Pay complete attention to your partner, look at them and sit close to them.
Do not think about yourself think of the other person.
Listen to what your partner has to say and if necessary, say it to yourself again so that you remember it clearly.
Clarify things that you do not understand or want explained immediately. This will show that you are paying attention to what is being said.
Before placing your point of view wait for your partner to finish. Give yourself sometime and think over what your partner has said, before replying.
Give advice only when your partner asks for it.
Do not let your ego affect the relationship.

Self-Respect

Self-respect is the foundation of sexual health and of healthy sexual relationships. All people are sexual and it is normal and healthy for women to have sexual desires. It is also normal and healthy to not want to do some things even if the world around you suggests that 'everybody' is doing it. Respect your body's desires and your own ability to make good decisions.
Sexual choices have consequences. Some of the most difficult choices you ever make will be about sex. Your choices may shape your:
social relationships
relationship with your family
future lifestyle
experience of emotions like love and trust There is a lot riding on your decisions, so you have to make sure that you chose what you really want. If you're not sure about a relationship or if you don't want to do something sexually - wait. Human sexuality has many physical, emotional and mental elements. Ideally all three are leading you to the same decisions, but in the real world, things may not be that neat. Give yourself time to work through conflicting desires; this is an important part of self-respect. Don't let other people make your decisions, if they respect you, they'll wait too.
Because it can be difficult to make decisions in the 'heat of the moment,' think about what you want in advance.

Take this Quiz!

There can be signs that a relationship is not healthy. Use this quiz to help determine if you are experiencing the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship. If you are having these experiences or feelings, your relationship may need to end or you and your partner may need supportive counselling to work through your relationship problems.
Relationships should make you feel good! No one can be happy all the time, but you should look forward to the time you spend with your partner and enjoy his or her company.

source- womenshealthmatters.com

Sex partners should always:

Sex partners should always:
have one another's consent
be able to talk honestly to each other
treat each other with respect
care about their partner's pleasure
protect each other against physical and emotional harm, unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted infection
accept responsibility for their actions
All relationships have their ups and downs, but even in difficult times you and your partner should be able to trust each other to behave in this way. Being able to deal with the tough times and treat each other equally and with respect even when you are angry is an important sign of a healthy relationship.

Gynecologists hear it every day from patients who are in the throes of midlife. "Doctor, I'm just not interested in sex anymore."

Sure, some decline in sex drive is a natural part of aging for men and women. But for women it tends to happen sooner - just about the time they hit menopause - and well before they're ready to let go of sexual intimacy with their partners.

Many walk into their doctors' offices hoping that a dose of their waning hormones - testosterone, in particular - is all they need to find their lost libido. Testosterone has long been known to restore desire, and Intrinsa, the testosterone patch, is widely used in Europe for that very purpose. But experts say that testosterone is a powerful, potentially dangerous treatment when given inappropriately, and that sexual dysfunction in women is more often about life and love than hormones.

"It's the high-stress lives that we all live," said Dr. June LaValleur, a gynecologist and women's health specialist at the University of Minnesota. "And how satisfying is your sexual relationship? If you have a lousy lover, you can have a ton of testosterone and it won't be enough."
Three years ago, the Food and Drug Administration, still reeling from the revelations about the risks of hormone replacement therapy in post-menopausal women, declined to approve Intrinsa because of concerns about its long-term safety. Studies to assess its risks are now under way, but in the meantime testosterone is not approved to treat female sexual dysfunction in this country.

But women still ask for it. And because the hormone is used for other medical purposes, doctors can and do legally prescribe it for sexual dysfunction, an off-label use.
"It's become kind of a snake oil thing," said Dr. Diane Petersen, a gynecologist with Women's Health Consultants in Minneapolis. She and other women's health specialists said they sometimes see female patients who come in with all the signs of too much testosterone - hair loss, acne, weight gain, high cholesterol or deepened voices.
Some women are getting dangerously high doses from testosterone pellets placed under their skin.

Because it is not a regulated pharmaceutical product, it is most often provided by compounding-pharmacies that make up individual doses in cream and gel form that women apply to their arms and legs, doctors said.
But women need very low concentrations, and if not made by experts those creams can easily contain too much, they said.

"It's only as good as the person compounding it," said Dr. Jacqueline Thielen, a doctor at the Women's Health Clinic at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn. "More is not necessarily better."
Thielen and other women's health experts do prescribe it for some patients. But not often, and it's not the first thing they try.

Doctors said they usually give testosterone only to women who have abnormally low levels, and always in combination with estrogen. That means women who have had their uterus and ovaries removed get it most often because their bodies produce no testosterone.
Women who have reached menopause still produce testosterone for many years, though at lower levels than in their reproductive years.

The Intrinsa patch was tested in women whose ovaries had been removed. Those studies found that women who used the patch regularly for a year said their average number of satisfying sexual experiences increased from three to five per month. But those on a placebo had also had an average increase - from three to four.

If it had been approved, the patch could have been prescribed off-label to any woman, which is what raised safety concerns at the FDA. Procter & Gamble, which makes Intrinsa, is now conducting safety trials, and is also looking at its effectiveness at increasing libido in post-menopausal women.
But for now, most healthy post-menopausal women are not candidates for testosterone treatment, doctors said. "I would have to say that the majority of the time I can get by without giving patients testosterone," Thielen said.

Even though testosterone is the hormone that contributes to sex drive, in women it often has no relationship to libido, doctors said. Usually it's something else altogether.
LaValleur had one patient who complained that she was disinterested in sex. But when asked about her relationship, she described how she would get nauseated when she came home and saw her husband's pickup truck in the driveway.

Another woman who was going to law school at night and taking care of two kids said her husband just couldn't understand why she wasn't interested in sex when he came home from his regular business trips.

What are healthy relationships made of?

Healthy relationships are built on honest communication and mutual respect. This is true of all relationships, not just romantic or sexual ones. To be healthy, all people need to feel that there are people in their life, who they can trust to listen to them and care about them.
The Brief Psychotherapy Centre for Women at Sunnybrook and Women's has created a list of questions to help you decide whether a relationship provides a healthy connection to another person.
Having sex with some else is a very personal and intimate thing, even when the relationship is casual or short-lived. Responsible people respect their partners feelings and desires; they want to protect them from infection and unwanted pregnancy.

source-womenshealthmatters.com

Is it normal or is it depression?

The hormonal changes after pregnancy may affect some women's sexual desire. This is temporary. Talk to your doctor if it feels like it has gone on for too long. This can be one sign of post-partum depression.
Some women may also be self-conscious about their bodies after giving birth. It is important for your partner to be loving and supportive about body image issues.

Sex after giving birth- how?

Sex may be uncomfortable, especially in the first weeks after giving birth. You may have pain around an episiotomy or Caesarean incision. While scars are forming in these areas, try to use positions that don't put pressure on the new tissue.
Vaginal dryness is also common especially if you are breast-feeding. The same hormones that prompt your body to produce milk also reduce your ability to lubricate. A water-based lubricant may help. Go slow and give your body more time to lubricate. The hormones stimulated by orgasm also cause your breast milk to flow, so don't be surprised if you need a towel.
If you don't want to get pregnant again, birth control is important. Cervical barriers may have to be re-sized before you can use them again. Talk to your doctor or caregiver about what forms of birth control are best for you. Hormonal methods that do not contain estrogen like Depo Provera (injections) and Micronon (pills) are safe for use once breast feeding has been well established. Breast-feeding alone may help to prevent pregnancy in the first six months as long as your period has not started again and this is the only way your baby is eating. However breast-feeding as a mode of birth control is not completely reliable. To be more certain of avoiding pregnancy, you may wish to begin using birth control again shortly after giving birth.

Sex after giving birth- when?

The months after giving birth are a challenging and tiring time. The demands of your new life may be a more important limit on your sex life then any physical changes. Some couples feel that sex is an important way to make time for each other; others would rather take the time to talk and cuddle. Women may feel 'touched out' because they spend so much of their time touching and holding their baby. Both parents may feel overwhelmed by their new responsibilities. Take the time to talk about your feelings and consider trying to find time for sex during the day when you are less exhausted and sleepy.
Physically it is safe to have sex after the lochia stops. Lochia is the vaginal bleeding that occurs after delivery. This bleeding stops when the cervix has returned to its natural size. Having sex before the lochia stops could put you at risk of a serious infection.

Each woman is different

Each woman enjoys different things sexually. Some women like having their clitoris rubbed; others find it is too sensitive to be touched directly. You can explore your sexual responses with a partner but you can also learn about your responses by masturbating.
Some women don't enjoy masturbating or don't believe they should do it because of their religious beliefs. Other women use masturbation to explore how they like being touched. This is particularly useful for women who are not reaching orgasm with their partner. Learning how your body responds can help you relax and enjoy sex. It also gives you information to teach your partner about what you like.

Can you answer this?

What are your sexual interests and limits?
You are entitled to sexual pleasure but you need to decide what is pleasurable and appealing to you. If you respect yourself, you will not 'put up' with activities that hurt or embarrass you. Think about your fantasies. If you are already sexually active, remember what activities you have enjoyed in the past. What you enjoy may change over time. Be ready to talk to your partner about what you enjoy and what you don't. Finding sexual activities that are enjoyable for both partners is an important part of a healthy sexual relationship.

Your meaning of sex

Our culture gives women and men very mixed messages about sex. We are often taught that we must be in love to have sex. We may also be taught that having sex is an important part of being an adult, or that sex proves we are desirable. Sex can be about all of these things, or it may not involve any of them. What do you think the purpose of sex should be?
Does a sexual relationship also involve other social and emotional commitments?
Can it be casual, just a way to learn about yourself or release physical tension?
What do you need to know or feel about your partner before you have sex?
There is no 'right' way to answer these questions, but it is important to be honest with your partner about what having sex means to you. Honest communication is one of the essential parts of a healthy sexual relationship. It is often very painful when two people have not thought about and discussed what they expect sex to mean. What you want out of a sexual relationship may change at different stages of your life.

Choose what you really want

Self-respect is the foundation of sexual health and of healthy sexual relationships. All people are sexual and it is normal and healthy for women to have sexual desires. It is also normal and healthy to not want to do some things even if the world around you suggests that 'everybody' is doing it. Respect your body's desires and your own ability to make good decisions.
Sexual choices have consequences. Some of the most difficult choices you ever make will be about sex. Your choices may shape your:
social relationships
relationship with your family
future lifestyle
experience of emotions like love and trust

There is a lot riding on your decisions, so you have to make sure that you chose what you really want. If you're not sure about a relationship or if you don't want to do something sexually - wait. Human sexuality has many physical, emotional and mental elements. Ideally all three are leading you to the same decisions, but in the real world, things may not be that neat. Give yourself time to work through conflicting desires; this is an important part of self-respect. Don't let other people make your decisions, if they respect you, they'll wait too.
Because it can be difficult to make decisions in the 'heat of the moment,' think about what you want in advance.

Interesting sexual info

Everyone has a sexual orientation. A woman who is attracted only to other women is called a lesbian: while women who are attracted to men are called heterosexual. A woman who is attracted to men and women is called bisexual.
Some women who are attracted to other women don't like these words or feel that they don't describe their experiences. Women may be attracted to different people at different stages of their lives. So a woman may live for many years as a lesbian and then become involved with a man, or a heterosexual woman may discover lesbian desires.
You may be sexually attracted to men, women or both. None of these attractions is right or wrong, although most Canadian women have been taught at least some negative things about being attracted to someone of the same sex. These negative attitudes are called homophobia. If you are attracted to women you will have to deal with your own homophobic feelings and beliefs. You will also have to deal with the negative beliefs and judgements of others including your family and friends. Many organizations provide information and support for lesbian and bisexual women confronting homophobia.
Women who are attracted to other women have a broad range of sexual and emotional relationships just as heterosexual (straight) women do. Some women live with a single partner for many years; others live independently relying on a social network of friends and lovers. Some lesbians choose to become mothers. Being a lesbian does not mean that you can't have the emotional or social relationships you want, although these relationships may sometimes be limited by homophobia. Same-sex marriage was formally legalized across Canada by the Civil Marriage Act in July 2005. Court decisions, starting in 2003, had already legalized the issue of marriage licences to same-sex couples in eight out of 10 provinces and one of three territories, whose residents comprised about 90 percent of Canada's population. Most legal benefits commonly associated with marriage had been extended to cohabiting same-sex couples in Canada since 1999.
Living in a homophobic society may also have a negative effect on the physical and emotional health of lesbian and bisexual women. Lesbians and bisexual women may:
have higher levels of stress and depression
be at risk for alcoholism
not receive regular gynecological and medical care because they fear homophobic responses from health care providers If a woman only has sex with other women, she does not need birth control, but she is still at risk of some sexually transmitted diseases. The following infections may result from sex between women:
herpes
genital warts
crabs
trichomonas
bacterial vaginosis
yeast infections
very rarely, HIV may also be transmitted from one woman to another Different sexual activities have different risks for infection.

Sex and Menopause

As a woman ages, her sexual desires change and her interest in being sexually active may decrease or increase. Changes may be prompted by her past sexual experiences or by the availability of a sexual partner.
Menopause occurs when a woman's body stops releasing eggs and her menstrual cycles cease. The hormonal changes associated with menopause may affect a woman's physical responses and interest in sex (libido.) Hormonal fluctuations in the time before menopause (called peri-menopause) may also affect a woman's libido and sexual experience.
Sexual Changes Associated with MenopauseSome of the sexual changes commonly associated with menopause are:
slower sexual arousal
less lubrication produced during sex
the vaginal wall gets thinner and intercourse may be uncomfortable
intensity of orgasm may be reduced
skin sensitivity is often increased Although many women have a reduced interest in sex, others have an increase in sexual desire.
What needs to be done about these changes depends on how you feel about them and how readily you can incorporate them into your current sexual life. Even women who find that their sexual interest is greatly reduced may accept these changes, particularly if they have lost their sexual partner to illness or death. If the changes are less dramatic, a woman may welcome a slower, more sensual, sexual experience that emphasizes non-sexual touching and allows more time for lubrication. Since men also become aroused more slowly as they age, heterosexual couples may adapt their sexual lives in a way that 'works' for both partners. If both lesbian partners are experiencing menopause, the changes in their desires may also fit well together.
For some women and their partners, these changes are a problem. Women may be frustrated that their orgasms don't feel right. Partners may conclude that a woman is less interested, because she lubricates less. It is important to talk to your partner(s) about the changes that are happening to your body and what both of you are feeling about these changes.

The impact of violence

Violence and sexual assault can have a deep impact on a woman's life including her sexual responses and relationships. Sexual assault is any unwanted sexual contact or attention. It can also include name-calling or anything that makes you feel bad about your sexual self or physical appearance.
If the assault has just occurred or if you are with a violent partner, here is how to get help.
Even if the abuse happened a long time ago, it can still influence your relationships with others, although your current partner may be loving and supportive. If a woman has been assaulted or abused she may:
not want to be touched
feel like she will never enjoy sex again
not be able to relax during sex
have disturbing memories of the assault(s) that may be triggered in some sexual situations
feel emotionally detached from her sexual activities
feel shame or self-conscious about her body These feelings can be very painful for a woman and for her partner(s). It is not unusual for a woman having these feelings to also feel angry with herself or her partner. If you have these feelings, you should not try to deal with them alone. Therapy can help a survivor of abuse deal with her feelings and may ultimately help her find a healthy way of participating in sexual relationships.
womenshealthmatters.ca

I love this- very inspirational

Having healthy relationships is an important part of sexual health. Sexual
health is holistic. Physical health and pleasure are important, but so are
emotional and social well being. Unhealthy sexual relationships can affect a
woman's mental and emotional health and, in the case of violent relationships,
put her in physical danger. A current or past experience with violence can have
a significant effect on a woman's sexual health.
Each woman values different
things in her sexual and intimate relationships and enjoys different sexual
activities. Being aware of your values and desires can help you make decisions
that are right for you. We all experience the physical and emotional elements of
sex differently. Take some time to learn about your sexual self.
One
important aspect of our sexual selves is sexual orientation. Women may be
sexually attracted to men, women or both. They may think of themselves as
heterosexual, lesbian or bisexual, or they may not like any of these labels.
Women face different issues at different stages of their lives. A woman who
has been married for many years has different concerns than a woman choosing sex
for the first time. For both women though, healthy relationships can depend on
honest communication and mutual respect.
Relationships can begin and end; a
woman may want a relationship or she may enjoy independence. Long-term
relationships can grow and change sexually, just as they do in other aspects. A
woman and her partner often discover cycles in a sexual relationship when sex
becomes more or less intense or important to the health of the relationship.
Different stages of a woman's life can also influence her sexuality. Being
sexual when pregnant, after giving birth or during or after menopause can all
bring changes and challenges.

source-womenshealthmatters.ca

Blood flow to the genital area

Reduced blood flow to the genital area is a physical barrier for some women.
Many of the signs of sexual arousal, including orgasm, are dependent on blood flow to the clitoris and genitals. Some medications that reduce blood pressure may inhibit a woman's ability to orgasm, but this may also occur without drugs. A new device, which draws blood to the clitoris, has been approved in the United States. Research is also being done on the male impotence drug Viagra to see if it can safely improve blood flow for women.

Increasing vagina muscle strength

Orgasm is a repeated muscle spasm. These muscles may be stretched during the delivery of a child, they may weaken with age or they may never be very strong. Anything that increases muscle strength makes orgasm easier and more intense. Kegel exercises may be used to strengthen these muscles.

A physical barrier to a good sexual response

Lack of Natural Lubrication
Lubrication makes the genital area slippery so it is easier to slide fingers or a man's penis into the vagina or around the genital area. If a woman produces only a little lubricant, it may make sex uncomfortable. This some women this is always a concern; others may begin to experience this problem around the time of menopause. Prolonging the time a woman is excited before genital contact may help. You can buy lubricants that substitute for a woman's natural lubrication

A physical barrier to sexual response

Low hormone levels
Hormones are chemical messengers that carry instructions throughout the body. The level of one hormone often affects the level of another. Both estrogen and testosterone appear to be important to a woman's interest in sex and capacity to reach orgasm. Low estrogen levels may decrease how much lubricant a woman produces when she is aroused, and cause the tissues of the vagina to become thinner. Hormone levels may change:
around the time of menopause
if a woman has her ovaries removed or has other gynaecological surgery
when a woman takes birth control pills Treatment with artificial supplements of these hormones can help to alleviate these problems. Talk to your doctor about hormone replacement therapy.