Breastfeeding and Sex Drive

Question: Will breastfeeding interfere with my sex drive?Answer: It might — but rest assured, this lack of interest in sex won't last forever. Several factors may be responsible for squelching a new mother's sexuality: The most obvious is the sheer exhaustion that plagues almost all women during the postpartum period, exhaustion that can be even more extreme when you — and only you — have the equipment to satisfy your newborn's 3 a.m. hunger pangs. What's more, nursing your baby every couple of hours (as well as constantly rocking, changing, and carrying him) may leave you feeling "touched out" at the end of the day, and thus less receptive to your mate's caresses.

Finally, breastfeeding can suppress ovulation for months following birth — nature's way of preventing a new pregnancy from following too quickly on the heels of the last one. Unfortunately, this also means that the amount of estrogen circulating in your body is far below normal levels, causing vaginal dryness and a general dampening of desire.Of course, every woman is different, and many nursing mothers report that breastfeeding doesn't affect their libido one way or another. Some even feel more sexual than their bottle-feeding peers, finding breastfeeding an extremely pleasant, and even sensual, experience that can translate into amorous feelings for their partner. Nourishing a baby can also give women a renewed appreciation for their body, an attitude that may rub off in the bedroom.If you're not among these lucky few, though, remind yourself — and your mate — that it's normal for a nursing mother's sex drive to take a detour into the slow lane. Just be sure to keep the lines of communication open and find other ways to be intimate (take a bath together, trade massages, or pop the baby into a front carrier and stroll hand in hand after dinner). Most important, put it all in perspective: Many new parents decide that this temporary downturn in desire is a trade-off they're more than willing to make for the health benefits and intense bonding that breastfeeding offers. source-babycenter.com

Caffeine for Sex Drive

Caffeine motivates female rats to have more frequent sex, a new study suggests. But don't start guzzling more coffee just yet.
Scientists gave 108 female rats a moderate dose of caffeine. The caffeine shortened the amount of time it took the females to return to males after a first romp, indicating they were more motivated to do it again.
Loading up on more caffeine is not expected to improve human sex drive in most cases, however.
"These rats had never had caffeine before," said study leader Fay Guarraci, an assistant professor of psychology at Southwestern University. "In humans, it might enhance the sexual experience only among people who are not habitual users."
The research could help scientists better understand sexual motivation, however.
"Understanding the circuits that control this behavior will help us understand how the brain works and what part of the brain mediates motivation because sexual behavior is a motivative behavior," Guarraci said.
The research will be detailed in the journal Pharmacology, Biochemistry and Behavior.

My husband doesn't want alone time with me!

Victoria says, "My husband doesn't want to spend time alone with me without our 3-month-old. He thinks my desire to go out as a twosome means I don't care about our baby's well-being. Of course I do — all I'm asking for is a couple of hours of one-on-one time with him every once in a while. What can I do?"

What BabyCenter readers say:
""Victoria, I just had a baby and he is not even a month old yet, sure he is our first born, but I do understand your situation. It is really hard to get your husband to be alone with you for the time being , espacially that your baby is only 3 months old. I guess he is just worried to trust the baby to anyone else and spend sometime to be alone with you. There are guys who has that fears, like my husband. But when the baby grows and reach the point that they are already eating solid foods and all that, then your husband will realize that he was not fair, but at this moment you have to be patient. Perhaps you can always give him a hint, like saying something while he is there as if you did not notice him....A lil' bit of humor will help....I hope it can help. God bless!!!"-- Pauline "first off I am the proud father of a 4 month old baby girl and I feel like your husband,there are a lot of sick people out there and I dont feel comfortable with leaving my daughter with any one. I knew there would be a lot of changes when she came. Just give a little time and he will start to ease up and want to do a lot of things with you"-- kevin

That is not like a man to act that way at all however it is nice that he wants to start the family bond now. Maybe try to do something at home to start, put the baby to bed and have a romantic candle light dinner and movie for the two of you to start and build from there. Good luck!"-- Mother to be "Victoria, You two do need time to your selfs once in a while, my doctor even told me that. Find a in the area babysitter and get out for awhile, just because you have the baby it doesnt mean you two cant have time together anymore and it doesnt mean you dont care about the baby, me and my husband have a 8 month old baby and we have to get ot and go out on a date once in awhile we deserve it and so do you."-- Lori "You are definitely not wrong in wanting time alone for the two of you to bond. In fact, in order to keep a successful relationship, experts have advised couples to go on dates alone once a week. I agree with Tara that he may have seperation anxiety. My other thought on the issue was that he may feel like he doesn't get to spend much time with his baby. I am a stay at home mom and my husband works 50 hours a week. I found that he desired to spend more time alone with me when I left the baby with just him for an evening. He understood how demanding the baby was and why I wanted to be alone with him. Maybe you could arrange to meet friends for a girls night out and let him have the baby to himself. It may let him see things in a new light."-- Susanna
source- babycenter.com

Hmmm... I don't even know what to say!

Terri says, "My husband and I haven't had sex in almost nine months. During my pregnancy he stopped wanting to because he felt like there was a third person involved with the baby moving and kicking in my womb. The baby is now 2 months old and there's no change. He won't touch my breasts, and says they don't arouse him anymore because he sees them as belonging to the baby. I think he sees me as one big baby provider and doesn't want to be intimate with someone so motherly. Everyone says I look great, but I feel bad. What can I do?"

What BabyCenter readers say:
"If you have time and energy at this point with an infant set up some romantic situations for you both while baby naps. If you don't have the time or energy which is perfectly understandable don'y worry about it for now. Dad's need time to adjust also.Is he helpful with the baby?"-- Tara "My boyfriend and I had a wonderful sex life until I was about 6 months pregnant. Since then, our sex life has been terrible. I'm always in the mood and he never is. I finally had a talk with him and he told me that his sex drive was just really low. Then one day, I caught him looking at porn, and it really hurt me. I felt like the most unattractive woman in the whole world. How could he not have enough of a sex drive to have sex with me, but he could masterbate to porn? He never looks at me naked anymore and we never do anything intimate together. I try to talk to him all the time, but its always the same excuse, "I just don't have a sex drive right now, and I'm really stressed." It is most definetly the worst feeling in the world. My main concern since having my baby has been to lose weight so that my boyfriend will be attracted to me again."-- Natasha
"Terri, I have the same problem too. My husband stopped having sex with me at the time I found out I was pregnant because he was afraid having sex would hurt the pregnancy (despite my OBGYN said it was OK to has sex while pregnant). 6 months after the baby was born, he is still not interested to have sex. He said he is "tramatized" from having to go through the whole labor and delivery process with me. He is now very scare to have sex because he is afraid it may hurt me (despite my OBGYN said I was completely recovered after the first 6 weeks). Now he pays more attention to the baby than to me. I feel like I am just his "housemate" who happen to raise a baby with him together. I am thinking to seek help from a family therapist, may be you should too. Anyone have better suggestion? "-- Ada "My partner went through very much the same things as your partners. He seemed completely disinterested in me while pregnant and as my belly expanded and definitely afterwards. Although we did start having sex quite soon after, he just is not as affectionate or physical or into foreplay as he used to be. One thing that helped him was to buy me sexy lingerie that I would wear--you know, the visual thing. But I need affection and warmth and words. The sex often feels like a task that must be accomplished and sometimes I am able to just go with it but most of the time my brain is talking at me about how cold it feels. I don't like that we as women feel the need to jump through hoops to help our men figure out how to connect with us. It makes me angry sometimes to hear that I need to do more when I am doing a lot as it is, including caring most of the time for our 6 and a half month old. I understand that men need help in bonding and connecting with us and our children after their birth. I also understand that women usually initiate conversations about this, not men. I know this will sound arrogant and mean but men seem to have such fragile egos that they act like children who need emotional nourishing--yet when we try, they turn away (I'm sure it's not all men!). So now I let him initiate... I go about my business, I talk with him about his day and mine, I don't care if he initiates sex or not because I can take it or leave it the way it's been offered to me. Letting go of what I can't have has given me some freedom to focus on the things I enjoy and that fulfill me. It also means I have to live without something that used to bring us both joy and happiness (and in one instance, a baby!)."-- Michelle "Terri, when i was pregnant my husband also felt odd about sex with me. after the baby, he acted and said that i was 'fragile' from delivery(understandable for the first six weeks). then when i started feeling and acting a little like my old self, though we never completely return to our old selves, he became more comfortable. so maybe when baby is sleeping brush up on a few current events or topics that he is interested in. don't stress about doing too much though, its just that; and don't take this the wrong way, but if your constanly talking about baby this and baby that. it can wear on the intimate factor. take a little time for yourself and remember men are simple creatures and love to love us."-- anonymous "Terri, I have the same exact problem. I honestly have no idea what to do either. Just letting you know you are not alone."-- Anonymous "Wow, that's a really hard place to be in. I can't offer too much advice, without knowing more details, but I hope this helps... First of all, when we become moms, it's hard to see ourselves as much else; what with the almost constant feeding, burping, changing diapers.. not to mention exhaustion. The baby pretty much takes over your life! The thing is, you have to be careful not to let your world revolve around the baby. It has to fit into your life, not rule it. Of course, that's not necessarily going to change how your husband feels about you... some guys are just weirded out by the whole baby thing. He might be jealous of all the attention showered on you, and of the fact that there's someone else in your life whom you are now devoted to. What I think is you need to do (like I said, I don't know all the details of what you have done or not, so I'm going by what I have) is take some special time to remind him that you love him more than anyone else and he's not being replaced by this new wonderful person in your life. Some guys get really insecure about this! I would suggest taking some time to really talk to him and find out what he really is thinking. Is he really not attracted to you, or is it maybe something I mentioned? Is something else going on, that's distracting him... stress at work, etc.? Who knows what guys are thinking... they really do think differently than we do, and the only way to find out is to sit down, and have an honest open talk with him. One way I heard this referred to (by a guy of course) is like we have these different jerseys we wear. We have a mom jersey, a wife jersey, whatever our job is (if it's in addition to our 24/7 mom job) etc. It's really hard for us to switch jerseys. Every part of our lives are integrated with one another. Whereas guys can compartmentalize every part of their life, so that nothing seems connected. Maybe, he's seeing you in your mom jersey too much, and you just need to take that off and put your wife jersey back on. Maybe he just wants "you" back. Obviously nothing can be as spontaneous as it was before the baby... but he might just need a little reminder that you are still the same woman he married. Whether it's his fave piece of lingerie, a certain perfume he loves, or whatever... remind him that you're still you. Plan a special night with him (even if it's just at home... try to make a romantic setting though), get some sparkling cider, strawberries and chocolate, and some massage oil. Have fun, entice him, (take care of the baby but don't let it take over your night!!), seduce him! It's so easy for us to be all stressed out with everything we have to do, and our hubby's all too often get pushed to the backburner (I do it all too often, myself). Remind him how special he is to you, and though you give give give all day long to the baby... show him you're willing to give to him too. The results could be dramatic, and instantaneous! But most importantly, you MUST talk to him! Ask questions (be very specific... guys do not understand implied questions) and tell him how you feel. From there, you can figure out if it's just the whole "jersey" thing, or if maybe you should both seek some counseling. Sometimes other issues arise that we just can't deal with on our own (all kinds of emotions rise to the surface when having a child...) and it could just be there's some unresolved issues in his life too, and that it really doesn't have anything to do with you at all! (to be honest, it usually is an issue with the guy anyway... at least when it comes to this area...) I hope it all goes well for you... :) If you have any more questions or just want someone to talk to, I've got AIM, my screen name is randomkittyfly. :)"-- T "You are so not alone- I have the same problem, and my baby is now 10 months. My husband just won't see me as a sexy woman anymore, and it is very hurtful especially since I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight and I was lucky enough not to end up with stretch marks. Everybody says I look good, but I guess to my husband I am just plain mommy now. "-- Sylvia "Throughout my entire pregnancy and for the first few months afterwards, my husband would not have sex with me, even though during my pregnancy I was in the mood more than ever. When we finally talked, he stated that he thought it would hurt me and that he didn't want to do that. I don't know if it was an excuse, but now that I am pregnant again, I told him it wouldn't work this time :)"-- Anonymous "Terri, you're definitely not alone. My husband stopped being intimate with me as soon as I started showing (because he didn't want to hurt the baby even after the dr. said it was ok). And now our daughter is 6 months old...he still has no interest in me (no excuse now, he just looks at me like I've got 2 heads). Ada put it very well the I feel like a 'housemate' rather than a wife! I'm sorry I have no advice for you on this; because I am still trying to figure it out as well....but know you're not alone. Stay positive and never give up hope!"-- Patty

source- babycenter.com

Trouble accepting your postbaby body?

Shoshanna says, "I had my daughter four months ago, and I'm having a hard time dealing with my stretch marks and extra weight. My husband thinks I look fine, but I don't feel fine with stretch marks running from above my belly button to my knees. I've been exercising and watching what I eat, but I can't diet because I'm breastfeeding. What can I do to feel comfortable in my skin?"

Featured comments"I know how you feel! My advice is to try to maintain perspective (which isn't easy). It took nine months to gain the weight ... it's going to take time to lose it. I got serious about getting my body back when my son was 4 or 5 months. I didn't diet but I did eat healthy and I ate often enough to maintain my metabolism. Remember, breastfeeding burns a lot of calories! I used to weigh myself and look at my stretched-out stomach after getting out of the shower everyday — it was depressing. I decided to focus on how good I felt after working out instead of my weight. I hope this helps without sounding too simplistic. Trust me, I love my son, but I don't like what he did to my body! I'm far from my pre-pregnancy shape, but I feel like I'm slowly reclaiming my figure without losing my sanity (and self-esteem) in the process."— Rae"The only thing I can say is be patient! I was there. I had to buy bigger clothes so I wasn't wearing my maternity clothes after the birth. I did buy shirts cut lower than usual since I had more cleavage — I played that up and downplayed the midsection. Ten months later, those clothes are too big and I can fit into most of my pre-pregnancy clothes. I still have a belly and stretch marks but I do feel better than I did months ago."— Nicole"I too have an imperfect body and my (second) son is 10 months old. My stomach is squishy and strongly resembles Freddy Krueger's face due to horrible stretch marks. My advice is to forget about getting into your pre-pregnancy clothes. Find clothes that flatter your figure, but are versatile if you lose weight. Try some dressy-casual pants that have a loose elastic waist and shirts (not Lycra-type shirts, they're not my friends) with a small flare at the bottom. This disguises your belly and positively accentuates your hips, which have probably expanded. It gives a curvy look, but hides the squishy belly. I've even received several flattering remarks from men. If they only knew what lurked beneath the shirt! Just remember, if you're wearing clothes that you feel confined in, you're going to be self-conscious and probably irritable due to discomfort. Find a way to dress that makes you feel good about yourself, and enjoy your baby. Very few people have nannies to watch their babies while a personal trainer commands them until they've worked their buttocks into boulders and their abs into washboards. Many people appreciate and understand the softness of a mother's body."— Amanda"Have you ever seen primitive Goddess dolls with large hips, huge breasts, and big bottoms? In prehistoric times, women were supposed to look like this and were revered for their beauty. Celtic people thought that a woman who had a baby was a sought-after mate because she had proved her fertility. She was extra sexy because she had already had a baby, and was likely to bear others. And remember, the sexiest women in the world are happy, fun, and have a sense of humor. If you can try for these things, they'll make you far more attractive than any exercise program."— Jayne

source- babycenter.com

"My sex drive hasn't come back"

Jane says, "My son is 9 months old now, and my sex drive still hasn't come back. My husband has tried to be understanding but he's getting impatient. It hurts my feelings when he pressures me. Will I ever feel like being intimate again?"Do you have advice for Jane? Share it here! (To add your two cents, scroll down to the comments box below.) What BabyCenter readers say:
"My daughter is 2 months old and I am having the same issues, only I lost my sex drive about 1 month into my pregnancy and it still hasn't returned. Both my husband and I are very frustrated. It has begun to cause problems in our marriage. I have tried to explain that my hormones are completely out of whack and that by the time the baby is in bed, I am just too exhausted. He says that he feels like I am not attracted to him anymore. I am sure it is also frustrating for him, I just wish he could be a little more understanding and patient. It helps to know that other women are having the same problem."-- Anonymous "I have a 9-month old and am in the same boat. I'm still breast feeding and have heard that can keep your libido limp. Reading the other comments, at least I know I'm not alone. I guess we just have to hang in there. But who can tell us when we'll feel our sexy selves again?"-- Anonymous
"I have been fortunate enough to NOT have that problem, in fact, I have just the opposite happening. I think a lot has to with my husband and I, our daughter is four months old, and we are celebrating our 1 year anniversary on June the 2. Some of my friends however, have told me they did not want sex either, here's why. You might be afraid of getting pregnant again (the pain of delivery is not all that long ago), or your body might not be ready to start having sex again. Give yourself time, and tell your husbands to give you a foot massage or two it always helps me!!!!"-- Jennifer "I can empathize with you. My first daughter was 10 months old before my husband and I even TRIED. I had so much damage during the birth and was exhausted for the months to follow. This delivery was easier but still the similiar emotions (or lack there of) are in place. My daughter is now 6 months old and I have found it much easier to relax if we are out of the house. My mother in law has stayed with my kids and we gone to a hotel. Sometimes only for a few hours. It makes all the difference. I just can't seperate myself from my kids at home. This ensures that we will not be interrupted. And although all the romantic feelings aren't there for me yet, just being close and pleasing him is enough for me."-- Cristi "My mom gave me a great piece of advice. My youngest child is almost 4 months and I have two older children. I haven't felt this way before so I asked "good ole mom" for advice. She told me that I need to quit focusing on how unattractive I feel (not to mention totally unsexy) and focus on how turned on I am with my husband. She asked me if I am attracted to him. I said yes and have been focusing on him lately. It seems to be working. You know since dating was not possible just focusing on him instead of me has really helped."-- Melissa "Jane, I lost my sex drive after my first two were born within 2 years of each other and I just had my 3rd...5 years later and I am just beginning to feel some stirrings of desire returning. It can be very hard on both you and your husband without a sex drive...we have had some tough times because of it. I can offer some advice however...go see your doctor...make him/her listen to you...they can do a hormone test to see if your testosterone is depleted and if it is they can prescribe cream which can really help. Also...if your husband is willing...have him give you a nice long all over body message some evening, not too late at night so you won't be tired. Burn some candles and put on some music and just enjoy it. You may be surprised at how sensual it is and it may jumpstart things. I think it is very important for husbands to be very patient with us Mom's and be interested in lots of foreplay but they have to accept that it may not lead to sex if you don't want it to. Hope this helps...and please know that you are not alone in this problem."-- Sally "I have one year old twins, and I am definitely in that boat.I talked to my doctor about it at my 6 month checkup, and he seemed to think it might be the stress of two babies, plus a dash of postpartum depression. Since I am not huge on taking prescriptions for something "I think I can fix," I refused any help. I am thinking now since it is still going on that I may need to try it. Our marriage is on very shaky ground because of it, when it should be the best time in our lives with the two blessings we have been given."-- Darlene "Wow - glad it's not just me! My son is 9mo. old; great little guy - fun and a relatively decent sleeper. The FRIENDship I have with my husband has never been stronger - our love life, however, really is out the window. Sometimes lack of passionate living bothers me, but mostly I'm too tired to care. To make matters worse, I work part time (early mornings) and my husband has a fulltime evening shift job: great schedule for baby, LOUSY for romance. We have found that scheduling time for "us" is very helpful; no pressure, but the potential for mischief is always there! On a more serious note, I've personally found that when I feel disconnected with my husband emotionally, there is zero chance that I'll be interested in anything else. Try not to get swept up in Baby World: the little person is definately important; but a strong relationship between the parents is an invaluable gift to a child. Good luck! I think we all need it!"-- ced+1 "Hey, C-section with multiple infections here. My incision got infected. Then I bumped my stomach two different time causing blood and fluid to collect in the wound and in the tissue surrounding it. After getting cut open again to drain it, I was pretty paranoid about letting anything touch my abdomen. I had urethritis (from having a cathetre for the birth). It was four months after our baby's birth. I still had two open wounds that hurt when I touched anything to them. My husband was going nuts because we still couldn't have sex because it hurt so bad. I went to my doctor again and she said wait a week to try again. Well, I guzzled cranberry juice-supposed to help bladder infections-right?, added extra zinc to my diet- to aide in healing, and got some rest. The next time we gave me plenty of time to heat up, then took it slow. It was not the best, but we stuck to "long foreplay, short session" for a few weeks and life almost back to normal. I realized that I was so scared of the pain that I made it worse by being super-tense. When I relaxed, went with what we could do and a little bit more, and took control, I began to enjoy it more. As for breastfeeding, yeah I'm pretty sure it messes you up. I'm taking progestin only pills and I notice that when I skip a pill(not on purpose mind you) that I feel more desire. Lack of estrogen for me equals lack of desire. One thing that helps me now that I'm enjoying it more is to take control. If I take the initiative when I know the baby is sleeping for a while, spontaneously something clicks and I feel desire much faster. Try music. Take some time to prettify yourself-shave legs, scented bath/shower stuff, wear sexy clothes that day. Allow yourself to be a woman and not just a mom."-- Renee' "I have a 10 month old, and found myself frustated - mentally and physically. In January I had been back on the pill for almost 3 months and decided to have my doctor change my dosage - it seemed too strong. It seemed to help physically but emotionally I wasn't there yet. About 2 weeks after changing my pill, my husband got called away on a 4 day course out of town. I took the oppurtunity to create a new special place of romance... redecorate our bedroom! I kept a budget of only 150$ and managed to repaint, put up a few new shelves, bought candles, and framed a bunch of black and white pictures of us and our favourite times together. My husband was super excited when he got home that I had managed to do all this myself... it restored confidence in myself, and created a special place for my husband and I again. I love going into my new bedroom again! ... to top it off, my husband surprised me a couple of weeks ago, and installed new carpet to finish our "new room"!"-- Sarah • See all readers' comments
source- babycenter.com