Hmmm... I don't even know what to say!

Terri says, "My husband and I haven't had sex in almost nine months. During my pregnancy he stopped wanting to because he felt like there was a third person involved with the baby moving and kicking in my womb. The baby is now 2 months old and there's no change. He won't touch my breasts, and says they don't arouse him anymore because he sees them as belonging to the baby. I think he sees me as one big baby provider and doesn't want to be intimate with someone so motherly. Everyone says I look great, but I feel bad. What can I do?"

What BabyCenter readers say:
"If you have time and energy at this point with an infant set up some romantic situations for you both while baby naps. If you don't have the time or energy which is perfectly understandable don'y worry about it for now. Dad's need time to adjust also.Is he helpful with the baby?"-- Tara "My boyfriend and I had a wonderful sex life until I was about 6 months pregnant. Since then, our sex life has been terrible. I'm always in the mood and he never is. I finally had a talk with him and he told me that his sex drive was just really low. Then one day, I caught him looking at porn, and it really hurt me. I felt like the most unattractive woman in the whole world. How could he not have enough of a sex drive to have sex with me, but he could masterbate to porn? He never looks at me naked anymore and we never do anything intimate together. I try to talk to him all the time, but its always the same excuse, "I just don't have a sex drive right now, and I'm really stressed." It is most definetly the worst feeling in the world. My main concern since having my baby has been to lose weight so that my boyfriend will be attracted to me again."-- Natasha
"Terri, I have the same problem too. My husband stopped having sex with me at the time I found out I was pregnant because he was afraid having sex would hurt the pregnancy (despite my OBGYN said it was OK to has sex while pregnant). 6 months after the baby was born, he is still not interested to have sex. He said he is "tramatized" from having to go through the whole labor and delivery process with me. He is now very scare to have sex because he is afraid it may hurt me (despite my OBGYN said I was completely recovered after the first 6 weeks). Now he pays more attention to the baby than to me. I feel like I am just his "housemate" who happen to raise a baby with him together. I am thinking to seek help from a family therapist, may be you should too. Anyone have better suggestion? "-- Ada "My partner went through very much the same things as your partners. He seemed completely disinterested in me while pregnant and as my belly expanded and definitely afterwards. Although we did start having sex quite soon after, he just is not as affectionate or physical or into foreplay as he used to be. One thing that helped him was to buy me sexy lingerie that I would wear--you know, the visual thing. But I need affection and warmth and words. The sex often feels like a task that must be accomplished and sometimes I am able to just go with it but most of the time my brain is talking at me about how cold it feels. I don't like that we as women feel the need to jump through hoops to help our men figure out how to connect with us. It makes me angry sometimes to hear that I need to do more when I am doing a lot as it is, including caring most of the time for our 6 and a half month old. I understand that men need help in bonding and connecting with us and our children after their birth. I also understand that women usually initiate conversations about this, not men. I know this will sound arrogant and mean but men seem to have such fragile egos that they act like children who need emotional nourishing--yet when we try, they turn away (I'm sure it's not all men!). So now I let him initiate... I go about my business, I talk with him about his day and mine, I don't care if he initiates sex or not because I can take it or leave it the way it's been offered to me. Letting go of what I can't have has given me some freedom to focus on the things I enjoy and that fulfill me. It also means I have to live without something that used to bring us both joy and happiness (and in one instance, a baby!)."-- Michelle "Terri, when i was pregnant my husband also felt odd about sex with me. after the baby, he acted and said that i was 'fragile' from delivery(understandable for the first six weeks). then when i started feeling and acting a little like my old self, though we never completely return to our old selves, he became more comfortable. so maybe when baby is sleeping brush up on a few current events or topics that he is interested in. don't stress about doing too much though, its just that; and don't take this the wrong way, but if your constanly talking about baby this and baby that. it can wear on the intimate factor. take a little time for yourself and remember men are simple creatures and love to love us."-- anonymous "Terri, I have the same exact problem. I honestly have no idea what to do either. Just letting you know you are not alone."-- Anonymous "Wow, that's a really hard place to be in. I can't offer too much advice, without knowing more details, but I hope this helps... First of all, when we become moms, it's hard to see ourselves as much else; what with the almost constant feeding, burping, changing diapers.. not to mention exhaustion. The baby pretty much takes over your life! The thing is, you have to be careful not to let your world revolve around the baby. It has to fit into your life, not rule it. Of course, that's not necessarily going to change how your husband feels about you... some guys are just weirded out by the whole baby thing. He might be jealous of all the attention showered on you, and of the fact that there's someone else in your life whom you are now devoted to. What I think is you need to do (like I said, I don't know all the details of what you have done or not, so I'm going by what I have) is take some special time to remind him that you love him more than anyone else and he's not being replaced by this new wonderful person in your life. Some guys get really insecure about this! I would suggest taking some time to really talk to him and find out what he really is thinking. Is he really not attracted to you, or is it maybe something I mentioned? Is something else going on, that's distracting him... stress at work, etc.? Who knows what guys are thinking... they really do think differently than we do, and the only way to find out is to sit down, and have an honest open talk with him. One way I heard this referred to (by a guy of course) is like we have these different jerseys we wear. We have a mom jersey, a wife jersey, whatever our job is (if it's in addition to our 24/7 mom job) etc. It's really hard for us to switch jerseys. Every part of our lives are integrated with one another. Whereas guys can compartmentalize every part of their life, so that nothing seems connected. Maybe, he's seeing you in your mom jersey too much, and you just need to take that off and put your wife jersey back on. Maybe he just wants "you" back. Obviously nothing can be as spontaneous as it was before the baby... but he might just need a little reminder that you are still the same woman he married. Whether it's his fave piece of lingerie, a certain perfume he loves, or whatever... remind him that you're still you. Plan a special night with him (even if it's just at home... try to make a romantic setting though), get some sparkling cider, strawberries and chocolate, and some massage oil. Have fun, entice him, (take care of the baby but don't let it take over your night!!), seduce him! It's so easy for us to be all stressed out with everything we have to do, and our hubby's all too often get pushed to the backburner (I do it all too often, myself). Remind him how special he is to you, and though you give give give all day long to the baby... show him you're willing to give to him too. The results could be dramatic, and instantaneous! But most importantly, you MUST talk to him! Ask questions (be very specific... guys do not understand implied questions) and tell him how you feel. From there, you can figure out if it's just the whole "jersey" thing, or if maybe you should both seek some counseling. Sometimes other issues arise that we just can't deal with on our own (all kinds of emotions rise to the surface when having a child...) and it could just be there's some unresolved issues in his life too, and that it really doesn't have anything to do with you at all! (to be honest, it usually is an issue with the guy anyway... at least when it comes to this area...) I hope it all goes well for you... :) If you have any more questions or just want someone to talk to, I've got AIM, my screen name is randomkittyfly. :)"-- T "You are so not alone- I have the same problem, and my baby is now 10 months. My husband just won't see me as a sexy woman anymore, and it is very hurtful especially since I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight and I was lucky enough not to end up with stretch marks. Everybody says I look good, but I guess to my husband I am just plain mommy now. "-- Sylvia "Throughout my entire pregnancy and for the first few months afterwards, my husband would not have sex with me, even though during my pregnancy I was in the mood more than ever. When we finally talked, he stated that he thought it would hurt me and that he didn't want to do that. I don't know if it was an excuse, but now that I am pregnant again, I told him it wouldn't work this time :)"-- Anonymous "Terri, you're definitely not alone. My husband stopped being intimate with me as soon as I started showing (because he didn't want to hurt the baby even after the dr. said it was ok). And now our daughter is 6 months old...he still has no interest in me (no excuse now, he just looks at me like I've got 2 heads). Ada put it very well the I feel like a 'housemate' rather than a wife! I'm sorry I have no advice for you on this; because I am still trying to figure it out as well....but know you're not alone. Stay positive and never give up hope!"-- Patty

source- babycenter.com