"My sex drive hasn't come back"

Jane says, "My son is 9 months old now, and my sex drive still hasn't come back. My husband has tried to be understanding but he's getting impatient. It hurts my feelings when he pressures me. Will I ever feel like being intimate again?"Do you have advice for Jane? Share it here! (To add your two cents, scroll down to the comments box below.) What BabyCenter readers say:
"My daughter is 2 months old and I am having the same issues, only I lost my sex drive about 1 month into my pregnancy and it still hasn't returned. Both my husband and I are very frustrated. It has begun to cause problems in our marriage. I have tried to explain that my hormones are completely out of whack and that by the time the baby is in bed, I am just too exhausted. He says that he feels like I am not attracted to him anymore. I am sure it is also frustrating for him, I just wish he could be a little more understanding and patient. It helps to know that other women are having the same problem."-- Anonymous "I have a 9-month old and am in the same boat. I'm still breast feeding and have heard that can keep your libido limp. Reading the other comments, at least I know I'm not alone. I guess we just have to hang in there. But who can tell us when we'll feel our sexy selves again?"-- Anonymous
"I have been fortunate enough to NOT have that problem, in fact, I have just the opposite happening. I think a lot has to with my husband and I, our daughter is four months old, and we are celebrating our 1 year anniversary on June the 2. Some of my friends however, have told me they did not want sex either, here's why. You might be afraid of getting pregnant again (the pain of delivery is not all that long ago), or your body might not be ready to start having sex again. Give yourself time, and tell your husbands to give you a foot massage or two it always helps me!!!!"-- Jennifer "I can empathize with you. My first daughter was 10 months old before my husband and I even TRIED. I had so much damage during the birth and was exhausted for the months to follow. This delivery was easier but still the similiar emotions (or lack there of) are in place. My daughter is now 6 months old and I have found it much easier to relax if we are out of the house. My mother in law has stayed with my kids and we gone to a hotel. Sometimes only for a few hours. It makes all the difference. I just can't seperate myself from my kids at home. This ensures that we will not be interrupted. And although all the romantic feelings aren't there for me yet, just being close and pleasing him is enough for me."-- Cristi "My mom gave me a great piece of advice. My youngest child is almost 4 months and I have two older children. I haven't felt this way before so I asked "good ole mom" for advice. She told me that I need to quit focusing on how unattractive I feel (not to mention totally unsexy) and focus on how turned on I am with my husband. She asked me if I am attracted to him. I said yes and have been focusing on him lately. It seems to be working. You know since dating was not possible just focusing on him instead of me has really helped."-- Melissa "Jane, I lost my sex drive after my first two were born within 2 years of each other and I just had my 3rd...5 years later and I am just beginning to feel some stirrings of desire returning. It can be very hard on both you and your husband without a sex drive...we have had some tough times because of it. I can offer some advice however...go see your doctor...make him/her listen to you...they can do a hormone test to see if your testosterone is depleted and if it is they can prescribe cream which can really help. Also...if your husband is willing...have him give you a nice long all over body message some evening, not too late at night so you won't be tired. Burn some candles and put on some music and just enjoy it. You may be surprised at how sensual it is and it may jumpstart things. I think it is very important for husbands to be very patient with us Mom's and be interested in lots of foreplay but they have to accept that it may not lead to sex if you don't want it to. Hope this helps...and please know that you are not alone in this problem."-- Sally "I have one year old twins, and I am definitely in that boat.I talked to my doctor about it at my 6 month checkup, and he seemed to think it might be the stress of two babies, plus a dash of postpartum depression. Since I am not huge on taking prescriptions for something "I think I can fix," I refused any help. I am thinking now since it is still going on that I may need to try it. Our marriage is on very shaky ground because of it, when it should be the best time in our lives with the two blessings we have been given."-- Darlene "Wow - glad it's not just me! My son is 9mo. old; great little guy - fun and a relatively decent sleeper. The FRIENDship I have with my husband has never been stronger - our love life, however, really is out the window. Sometimes lack of passionate living bothers me, but mostly I'm too tired to care. To make matters worse, I work part time (early mornings) and my husband has a fulltime evening shift job: great schedule for baby, LOUSY for romance. We have found that scheduling time for "us" is very helpful; no pressure, but the potential for mischief is always there! On a more serious note, I've personally found that when I feel disconnected with my husband emotionally, there is zero chance that I'll be interested in anything else. Try not to get swept up in Baby World: the little person is definately important; but a strong relationship between the parents is an invaluable gift to a child. Good luck! I think we all need it!"-- ced+1 "Hey, C-section with multiple infections here. My incision got infected. Then I bumped my stomach two different time causing blood and fluid to collect in the wound and in the tissue surrounding it. After getting cut open again to drain it, I was pretty paranoid about letting anything touch my abdomen. I had urethritis (from having a cathetre for the birth). It was four months after our baby's birth. I still had two open wounds that hurt when I touched anything to them. My husband was going nuts because we still couldn't have sex because it hurt so bad. I went to my doctor again and she said wait a week to try again. Well, I guzzled cranberry juice-supposed to help bladder infections-right?, added extra zinc to my diet- to aide in healing, and got some rest. The next time we gave me plenty of time to heat up, then took it slow. It was not the best, but we stuck to "long foreplay, short session" for a few weeks and life almost back to normal. I realized that I was so scared of the pain that I made it worse by being super-tense. When I relaxed, went with what we could do and a little bit more, and took control, I began to enjoy it more. As for breastfeeding, yeah I'm pretty sure it messes you up. I'm taking progestin only pills and I notice that when I skip a pill(not on purpose mind you) that I feel more desire. Lack of estrogen for me equals lack of desire. One thing that helps me now that I'm enjoying it more is to take control. If I take the initiative when I know the baby is sleeping for a while, spontaneously something clicks and I feel desire much faster. Try music. Take some time to prettify yourself-shave legs, scented bath/shower stuff, wear sexy clothes that day. Allow yourself to be a woman and not just a mom."-- Renee' "I have a 10 month old, and found myself frustated - mentally and physically. In January I had been back on the pill for almost 3 months and decided to have my doctor change my dosage - it seemed too strong. It seemed to help physically but emotionally I wasn't there yet. About 2 weeks after changing my pill, my husband got called away on a 4 day course out of town. I took the oppurtunity to create a new special place of romance... redecorate our bedroom! I kept a budget of only 150$ and managed to repaint, put up a few new shelves, bought candles, and framed a bunch of black and white pictures of us and our favourite times together. My husband was super excited when he got home that I had managed to do all this myself... it restored confidence in myself, and created a special place for my husband and I again. I love going into my new bedroom again! ... to top it off, my husband surprised me a couple of weeks ago, and installed new carpet to finish our "new room"!"-- Sarah • See all readers' comments
source- babycenter.com